So I Sing a Song of Love
by fuzzydream
Summary: Alternate universe. John Bates tries to find the path that will lead him to find himself when meets Anna Smith, who is facing serious changes and hard decisions after leaving Downton Abbey.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** So I Sing a Song of Love

**Summary:** Alternate universe. John Bates tries to find the path that will lead him to find himself when meets Anna Smith, who is facing serious changes and hard decisions after leaving Downton Abbey.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Downton Abbey.

**Author's note: **While I had wanted to keep focused and finish my other stories, this simply wouldn't leave me alone. I've been writing this story for a while now, and it's my first time writing an AU story that's not modern, so I'm a little bit nervous! This is loosely based on the 1942 Italian movie _Quattro passi fra le nuvolle (__Four Steps in the Clouds)._ I'm really happy to be posting this and I really hope you'll enjoy it. No spoilers in this story.

* * *

**So I Sing a Song of Love**

by_ fuzzydream_

* * *

**Chapter One**

Anna sniffed loudly as she packed up her things, trying to think of the happy moments she had spent in Downton, but none came. It saddened her to leave, in a way, but she couldn't stay anymore.

Thirteen years ago she arrived in this magnificent building, and now she was leaving.

How much had everything changed since then, and how she wished she could go back to those meaningless days! Only a week ago she had handed Mrs. Hughes her notice, thinking about how her life would change after leaving Downton; the kind housekeeper had been sad, but understanding. It was only natural for Anna to go home; so much had changed in her father's farm since she arrived, and it was no secret that Anna's job and money was no longer necessary to her family. Her sister's pregnancy made sure that it was only a matter of days until she was called to go back home, and Anna took the news with a heavy heart.

She wouldn't need to work for others anymore, not in the way things were going. She wouldn't need to share a room with anyone, and she would be able to sleep longer hours and enjoy her family once again. And she'd be leaving the family that took her as a daughter, so many years ago.

Still, it was necessary, and initially she'd stay for a month and then leave.

That wasn't the case anymore.

A soft knock on the bedroom's door startled Anna, and her eyes were wide when Mrs. Hughes opened the door quietly. Anna's lips were pursed thin and her eyes were watery with tears. Her departure was expected, but not quite so soon, and Anna couldn't tell them the real reason.

Anna sobbed once more and went back to her packing. Mrs. Hughes frowned at her sight; her eyes were also sad and she looked confused.

"I know I've told you before that you can leave today," Mrs. Hughes said in a soft voice, so soft that made Anna stop for a moment and listen to her, "But I'd like to know what's prompted this sudden decision. Is there anything wrong with your sister?"

Anna shook her head immediately, and Mrs. Hughes sighed.

"You don't need to leave now, Anna," the housekeeper pushed, "If only you'd tell what's happened."

Anna took a sharp intake of air and thought, for a moment, to tell Mrs. Hughes about everything that transpired her sudden departure. Could she tell Mrs. Hughes? But how could she? How could she voice such torments?

She simply couldn't. She lacked courage and now, especially now, self-respect for that. She couldn't tell Mrs. Hughes. It would be a disappointment too big for the older woman.

Anna shook her head while trying to compose herself. What good did crying bring? There was no point in crying now. It was far too late for that.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Hughes," she managed to say, and the housekeeper frowned, "I'm so sorry."

"Dear girl, you have nothing to be sorry for," Mrs. Hughes said, walking over to where Anna was standing, "I only wish I knew what's happened for you to feel you must leave."

Anna sobbed once more, and Mrs. Hughes kindly embraced her, trying to comfort her from whatever it was troubling the now former housemaid. Anna felt Mrs. Hughes patting her back softly, and she knew everything had to turn out alright. It just needed to turn out alright.

"I'm ever so grateful for everything you've done for me," Anna said in a small voice, "And I was truly happy in the years I spent here. Truly."

"I'm glad for that," Mrs. Hughes said as Anna pulled away from her and closed her suitcase, "You'll be missed, Anna. Please, do write us."

Anna gave her a watery smile, "I will. Every week, I will."

She took a deep breath and looked around her bedroom one last time, thinking about the many housemaids she had shared it with, thinking about late night conversations and giggles. She'd need happy memories if she wanted to make it downstairs properly, without a tear in her eyes.

It would be difficult, but it was the least she could do.

* * *

"I might have to move soon," he said to her, "from London."

He knew he owed nothing to her; they weren't living together for years now, ever since he left prison all those years ago, and he certainly didn't plan on living with her ever again. Their time had come and gone, or perhaps it had never come at all. However, they were still legally man and wife – even if they haven't been devoted to each other for quite some time, before he had even gone off to war – and he felt she needed to at least have an idea of where he was, even if he himself didn't care much about where she had been.

"I don't care where you're going," Vera said sharply, "I don't care where you came from, John. This... reformed way of life doesn't suit me. Don't try to play the moralist husband now. We're far past that."

John sighed tiredly, closing his eyes in a frustrated manner. He knew the life he now had didn't suit her. He doubted there was ever one day where his life had suited hers perfectly; perhaps in the early days of their marriage. No, perhaps before they were married.

"I'm tired of this," John said, "We should end this once and for all. It might be better for the both of us."

Vera turned to look at him, her eyes fierce and her mouth forming a smile, a smile that didn't quite serve to make him feel any better.

"Are you talking about divorce? And how do you plan to afford it?" she asked him with a laugh, "You have no money. Never had, never will have."

"And how would you know that?"

Her upper lip trembled slightly.

"Even if you did, why would anyone grant you a divorce?"

John arched his eyebrows, "We both know that faithfulness was never a strong characteristic of you."

Her smile was gone and she narrowed her eyes when she looked at him, "You have no evidence. And with no evidence, no divorce."

He pursed his lips, "Who says I don't have any evidence? I've already spoken to a solicitor, Vera. There's no reason why we should still be married. I don't know why you're so opposed to the idea. You'll be as free as I will. You might start over."

"Start over? Is that what you plan on doing? Find a new girl for you to share dreams and hopes of a life that only exists in your head? Please," she said in mockery, taking a long drag off her cigarette, "I won't give you a divorce. I don't want to be known as the divorced lady."

He smirked at her tone; did she really believe she was a lady?

"We'll see about that, Vera," he stood up, ready to leave, and she smiled devilishly at him.

"It doesn't matter to you. You might have won me years ago, but who would want a wounded man now?" she told him, "And what will you do out of London, anyway?"

He turned his back to her and opened the door that led to a narrow hallway and then to the street.

"Do you forget that you don't care about where I'm going?"

He looked at her once more before leaving, her face full of emotions she did not bother to hide, none of which appealed in the least for him.

His life was changing and he didn't want her to continue being a part of it.

* * *

She didn't go home. It would raise questions from her parents, especially after she replied that she would only be able to arrive in a little more than a month. Instead, she went to her sister's house, in Ripon; she was expected there anyway, in a few weeks, and she knew Beth needed all the help she could get, with two small children and another on the way. Beth and her family welcomed her with smiles; her brother-in-law, Tom, owned a small store, and her nephews were more than happy to have Aunt Anna with them for more than just an afternoon. Beth, however, found Anna's earlier than expected arrival very intriguing, and Anna knew she'd have to find an excuse for her actions soon.

"You're not well," she told Anna later in the evening, after the children had retired to bed and Tom was in the far corner of the parlour reading the newspaper, "And don't tell me that you are, because I know you aren't."

Anna remained silent, and looked at the clock on the wall, shivering slightly.

"Something happened there, inside that Abbey," it wasn't a question, and Anna didn't correct her, "You've always enjoyed working there, I don't see why you'd want to leave before it was necessary. You were even excited about meeting the new valet next week!"

"Beth, there's no point in talking about it," Anna said promptly.

"I always thought Mum and Dad should have taken you out of there sooner. But of course, they never really listened to me," Beth said, shaking her head, "All those people, all those visitors..."

"Please, Beth," Anna said in a quiet voice, her watery eyes meeting the gaze of her sister's fierce ones, "I don't want to talk about it."

"I may be younger than you, Anna, and I may not be as wise as you are," Beth started, "but don't hesitate on asking for help. Alright? I'm here for you. You'd tell me if something very bad happened, wouldn't you?"

Anna felt tears in her eyes once more, but blinked quickly and looked down; when she looked up, she tried to smile the brightest smile she could at the moment, and nodded.

"Don't worry about me, Beth," she said, trying to sound cheerful, "I don't know where you get these silly notions."

* * *

It had all started so well. He had a new job waiting for him in a different place; he had grown tired of London, preferring the calm of the countryside. His divorce process seemed to be moving forward, and he was quite sure, and the solicitor assured him of that, that the many letters he took from her place could count as evidence for adultery on her part, thus enough to grant them a divorce. He knew he had no reason to pursue one, but somehow it didn't sit well for him to still be married legally when the truth wasn't that. He truly didn't plan on marrying again – part of this resolution was because of the fact that he was now a crippled, wounded man with no high expectations in life, and the other part was that his first marriage didn't give him any good experience whatsoever. Perhaps marriage and family weren't for him. He'd survive.

But he truly didn't count on being dismissed after so little time in Lord Grantham's household; his limitations certainly took the worst out of him, and the other servants weren't exactly friendly either. In the end, what he feared the most had come true: he was now unemployed, in the middle of a divorce, and with nowhere to go but his mother's house. It was humiliating and it saddened him to think of what little opportunities he'd have in the future. This one had proven to be a complete disappointment.

He marched his way through the station, checking the time on his pocket watch; soon the train would be here and he would be off to York, and then to London, to the same old life he used to have before coming to Downton Abbey full of hopes and expectations.

* * *

Anna walked around the train station, waiting patiently; by the end of the afternoon she'd be off at her parents' farm, and she had never wished to be away more than at this moment. Her nerves were under her skin after the brief morning revelation she had.

As she had promised, she stayed in her sister's house, helping her out with the new baby and the house, but the time for her to leave had finally come. Beth's pleasant company kept her spirits up, and she felt much better than in the day she had arrived. But that morning, before she left for the station, she had one more place to go to.

She had feared the doctor's words, for she knew what was to come; she had been thinking about this every day since that faithful night. She had been hoping it wouldn't come to this, but oh, how wrong she was. She might be inexperienced, but she knew how these things worked and what was to be expected. When the evidences presented themselves in front of her, she knew she had to go to the doctor, at least before she went back to her parents' farm; she knew there was no point in delaying the inevitable, but it didn't make things any easier.

"Ms. Smith," the doctor had said, his tone serious, "You're pregnant."

Anna took a deep breath and closed her eyes; there was no going back now. There never had been going back. As she recalled the brief conversation, tears threatened to fall from her eyes, but she tried to control herself. It wouldn't do her any good if she started crying in the middle of the train station. She was pregnant. She was unmarried and having a baby. She was completely ruined.

The doctor had congratulated her, though it was more bitter than sweet. Of course this wasn't happy news; she knew it and the doctor knew it. But his voice was soft and his smile was sad, and she knew he wasn't being mean. She had thanked him quietly and he had told her a few recommendations.

"Best of luck to you, Ms. Smith," he had said at last.

Trying not to think of her family's reaction just yet, she was momentarily distracted by the train's arrival, and climbed in, trying to find a seat and hoping the short trip would take enough time for her to gather her thoughts.

Anna appreciated the doctor's words. She needed all the luck she could get.

* * *

**A/N:** I hope this isn't very confusing and fast-paced, and I really hope everyone seems in character - it's more like an introduction chapter.I'd absolutely love to know your thoughts on this one; any feedback is very much welcomed. I'll try to post Chapter 2 soon. Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **My goal is to post at least two chapters each week for this one, but seeing as I won't have much free time, I decided to post the second chapter now. I'm ever so grateful for all the kind reviews, and I hope this won't disappoint you! :) Thanks so much for reading!

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**Chapter Two**

Anna didn't dare to think of her family's reaction upon her news; she dreaded this subject, but she knew that sooner or later she would have to tell them. She had ruined herself for this, and now she'd ruin her family too. She doubted her father would let her stay home. She'd probably be sent away to deal with her own problems alone. That's what families did with this kind of women, and Anna couldn't believe she was now one of them.

Her emotions were slowly taking the best out of her. As the train started, she looked out of the window and thought about how she'd deal with this. And without caring, she let the tears fall freely, knowing it was best to let it go than to control it. No one was particularly interested on looking at her, anyway; people were generally quiet and minding their own affairs, and the seat next to her was empty anyway.

She sobbed quietly, already imagining the disappointed look in her father's face, and her mother's tears. She'd also ruin Nellie's chances to get married – who would want to marry the sister of a fallen woman? No one would. It was amazing how a moment's decision could change so many lives.

"Excuse me," a voice reached her ears and took Anna out of her reverie, "Is this seat taken?"

The man's voice was soft and his expression was kind when she looked at his face; embarrassed for her tears, Anna shook her head violently and tried to wipe the tears off her face with the back of her gloved hand.

He sat beside her and she sniffed, but it turned out to be louder than she had intended it to be; she blinked a few times, the tears now subsiding, and he sympathetically offered her a handkerchief. Anna took it with a watery smile and he responded with one of his own. How would it be like, in a few months? Would people still smile kindly at her after knowing about her unmarried status?

She dried her tears with his handkerchief, grateful that at least for now she could rely on someone else's kindness.

"Thank you," she mumbled, turning to look at him again, and motioning to hand the handkerchief back to him.

"No, keep it. You look like you need it more than I do," he said kindly.

The man was respectful enough to not address her crying, and for that Anna was thankful. She folded the handkerchief and managed a convincing smile.

"I'm sorry about this," Anna said, "I'm usually a cheerful person."

"Don't worry," the man said, "Everyone's had a few bad days."

She stared at him, taking in his kind brown eyes and feeling the sincerity in his voice. She noticed, now, that he held a cane, but knew best than to mention it. This stranger, who was so kind to her, didn't deserve to be the object of another person's curiosity.

"I'm Anna. Anna Smith," she introduced herself, extending her right hand to him.

"John Bates," he said quietly, taking her hand. His hand was warm against hers, and his shake was firm.

She took a quick look at his appearance; his smile was shy, even hesitant, and his clothes were well-maintained, but not new. She wondered what business he had in Ripon. She certainly hadn't seen him before.

"Is York your last stop, Mr. Bates?" Anna said tentatively, trying to get a distraction.

"I dare say it isn't," he said, "Though I'm not exactly sure about where I'm going. What about you, Ms. Smith?"

"I'm going home," she told him quietly, "To Langton."

He arched his eyebrows and smiled, "Always nice to be home."

Anna nodded absentmindedly, "I suppose so. Though it'll be odd to go back after so many years away," she turned to look at him, "You aren't from Ripon, are you? I don't remember ever seeing you around."

"No, I'm from London," he told her, "I've been working in the area for a few weeks, but now it's time to leave."

"I know how that feels," Anna sighed, "I'd been working at Downton Abbey until a few weeks ago. I had a hard time leaving."

He felt his eyes on her but didn't say anything else for a moment before he spoke.

"So you're Anna, the head housemaid?"

His tone was one of amusement, and she frowned at his words, letting her eyes bore into his.

"I was his Lordship's valet up until this morning," he told her a bit sadly, "You caused a bit of havoc upon leaving. Everyone was still talking of it when I arrived."

Anna's heart sank as she heard his words, "Really? How's everyone?"

"Alright, I suppose," he said, "I didn't stay long enough to make friends, so I wouldn't be able to properly answer that to you."

She gave him a sad smile.

"I'm sorry you didn't stay," she started, "Everyone was always very kind to me. In all the years I worked there, I..."

Her words were stuck in her throat as she was reminded of the main reason why she left in the first place. She looked down at her lap and smiled.

"It was a great place to work in," she said at last, and John Bates nodded in agreement.

Silence fell upon them, and Anna knew he probably needed some comfort; it was quite obvious that he had some sort of injury, hence the cane, but she thought there was more to him than that. She didn't know why he didn't stay – no doubt him being the valet would insult some people there, especially Thomas, who wanted the job so much. She could put the pieces together; she didn't know John Bates enough to reach any conclusions, but she could have an overall idea of what had happened.

A few minutes later he talked again, which was a relief to her. She was feeling a bit nauseated, probably from the train ride – or something else she'd rather not think about at the present moment.

He was a good man, that much she could tell already. It was indeed a shame that they dismissed him in Downton, but perhaps it hadn't been bad at all for her. This kind stranger called John Bates was definitely a remarkable person, at least for her. For a few minutes, he had even managed to take her mind off of her troubles, and for that she was thankful; the nausea had come and gone, and he distracted her during most of the trip to York.

As they approached York's train station, however, the nausea returned, and with it returned the thoughts of her life and the changes she'll bring to her family. Anna wasn't sure which thing caused the other to happen, but she was sure they were connected.

Mr. Bates had been kind enough to pick her suitcase for her, along with his, and they left the train together; after walking away from the crowd, Anna stopped, the smell of oil and smoke doing nothing to help with the nausea she was feeling. He looked at her, apparently not noticing the deep, slow breaths she was taking to try to make the nausea go away, and he smiled that kind smile of his that she had been growing used to seeing, for the last hour.

"It was nice to travel with you, Ms. Smith," he said.

Anna gave him a sincere smile, momentarily distracted, "You too, Mr. Bates. I hope you'll find whatever you're looking for."

"And I can say the same to you. Have a good day," with one last shared glance he turned away from her, and she looked at him while he slowly walked out of her sight.

* * *

He shook his head and sighed; of course his train to London was late. Some kind of problem in the railway. He tried not to imagine his mother's disappointed face when he returned. Another job lost. This was becoming his fortune now.

The station wasn't as full as it had been when he first got here, barely ten minutes ago; a train had just left and it looked like it would be a while before his own train arrived. He looked around the station, and had just found an empty bench where he could sit to wait when heard the distinct sound of someone regurgitating. Trying to find out where the noise came from, he looked to his left, behind a column, and saw none other than Ms. Anna Smith.

He gave her a moment to recompose, looked around and fortunately there was no one watching the scene. He watched as she used his handkerchief to wipe her mouth, and he noticed how her shoulders were low, as if she was defeated. There was something happening with the girl, and he found himself worrying over someone he had met that day.

She was a nice girl, young and he imagined that she was bright too; they hadn't talked that much, but she had looked distant sometimes. He never mentioned it out of respect, but she had, after all, been crying in the train before he interrupted her. It only served as a reminder to him that he wasn't the only one with problems – and this young lady seemed like she had her own problems to worry about.

As he started to walk towards her to see if there was anything he could do to help, she turned – and looked surprised to see him there. Her eyes were watery but she seemed a little less pale than when he last left her.

"You should sit," he said, motioning for the bench near them and she looked embarrassed, "I'll see if I can get you a glass of water."

Five minutes later, he found her exactly where he expected her to be, both of their suitcases beside her, and she seemed a little better than before.

He handed her the glass of water and sat beside her, his leg complaining of his walking around.

"Thank you," she said at last, looking at him with an open expression, "It's very kind of you to help me. You didn't need to do that."

He shook his shoulders, "It was the least I could do."

She smiled at him, a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. She looked down at the glass in her hands.

"You probably wouldn't do that if you knew the truth about me," she said after a moment.

Her tone startled him and he frowned; what could she possibly mean by that?

"None of these people would do anything to help me if they knew," she said softly, looking at the station around them, "You see, I'm pregnant."

Of course he was surprised. He kept watching her but she didn't turn to look at him; he saw a lone tear escape her right eye and wondered if there was more to it than that. This girl, who had seemed so down to earth before, with clever ideas and a charming laugh, was pregnant? And it was even worse, she was unmarried – or at least he supposed she was, because she hadn't corrected him when he called her 'miss'.

So this was her problem, this was what was burdening this young woman so much that she couldn't think of anything but it. He couldn't blame her.

Her eyes were glassy when she finally looked at him, and he admired those beautiful features of a burdened creature.

"I don't even know why I'm telling you this," she said, rolling her eyes in a tentative of sounding casual, "But then, it's unlikely that we'll ever see each other again. And you haven't said anything rude yet, which is a good start, I suppose."

He managed a smile, "I have no right to judge you or anyone."

She took a deep breath, her eyes distant again.

"I haven't told anyone yet," she started, her tone anxious, "I won't be able to hide forever, obviously. I'll have to tell them soon. And I truly am lost, for I know I won't be welcomed into my family anymore."

He listened in silence, feeling terribly sorry about this young woman's situation. How fair it was to women, who couldn't do anything wrong and would be cursed with this for life, while men were free to do whatever as they please?

Ms. Smith lowered her head, the severity of her situation apparently taking the best out of her.

"My father will disown me the moment he finds out, I'm sure of that," she mumbled, "I'm the oldest, and I was always supposed to be an example for the others. What kind of example am I now?"

Her words were soft, but strong at the same time.

"I wish there was something I could do to help," he said after a moment. She tilted her head to look at him and smiled.

"You've helped a lot already. Truthfully," she said, "I'm ever so grateful to have met you today."

They exchanged a sad smile and sat in silence, pondering the situation before them.

The girl was due for a big change in her life, that was quite obvious. And she did seem like such a nice girl. He feared for her – what future would she have, with a child and with no support? He didn't know this woman, but he did hear good things about her in Downton – responsible, respectful, and apparently a wonderful cleaner as well.

He truly wished he could do something to save her pain, but in his life he had never been quite good at helping other people. Still, maybe there was something he could do to help her with her family. Perhaps he could talk to her father? No, he would never do such a thing. He was never one to meddle into someone else's affair. Even though this girl had his sympathy, he doubted there would ever be something he could do to help her.

"Maybe... maybe there is something you could do," she started, her eyes wide as she looked at him. She shook her head immediately, before he could say anything, "No, don't mind me. I'm not thinking clearly."

But he was intrigued. Here he was, sitting on a bench in a train station, talking to an unmarried pregnant young woman he had just met about helping her; he was sympathetic towards her, for he couldn't know the true circumstances of her life as a housemaid in Downton Abbey, but perhaps he was letting himself get too close. He already had enough troubles as it was. He didn't need another person's problem on his shoulders as well.

"No, I meant it. If I can help you, I will."

Her expression was hopeful when she looked at him again, and he noted how her bright eyes glistened now – not from tears this time.

"You could... You could come with me. To Langton," she explained, "And I could tell them that we're married, and if you leave after a couple of days... Well, I won't be disowned for poorly choosing a husband and getting pregnant in the meantime."

To pretend to be this young woman's husband so that she won't be punished or ill-spoken of? The ideal seemed fair, but the means to it were far beyond conventional. Could he do this? It seemed too much of a fantasy, but her face told him otherwise; she was serious and desperate. She'd never joke about something like this.

"This is crazy. I'm asking way too much of you," she said after a moment, "And I understand if you want to leave right now. But if this could be done, well, you... you'd be doing me a great favour. And I can pay you. There won't ever be enough money in the world for me to pay you what you'd deserve by doing this, but I'd pay you."

He crossed his arms in front of him and frowned, "I can do this. I can stay for a couple of days. If you're sure it would help you."

"I... I think it would," she said after a minute, "But I wouldn't want to be a bother to you."

"You wouldn't be a bother. No one is expecting me in London," he assured her, "I stay there a couple of days and leave before daylight. No one would ever know, and your name would stay clean."

She pursed her lips, her bright eyes glimmering.

"You don't need to stay long," she said, "And I'd never ask this of anyone unless I could give something in return."

"Don't worry about that, I don't want..."

"You'd be defending my honour and my child," she insisted, "I... I think the least you could do is to accept some money in exchange for a service."

He nodded thoughtfully and stared at her. There was a new look around her, a little smile and a look of hope in her eyes. He could try to make something right about this adventure in the north, and since his job didn't work out, he might as well do something for someone in desperate need for help. He had his whole life ahead of him, and he didn't quite know what to make of it yet. Perhaps helping this young woman would help him as well - if nothing, he'd have some time to think before facing the consequeces of his dismissal from Lord Grantham.

"Do we have a deal, Mr. Bates?"

She extended her right hand in front of him, and he took it.

"We do, Ms. Smith."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** So here's chapter 3! Hope you'll enjoy it. Thanks for reading!

* * *

**Chapter Three**

"I don't think there's much for you to know," she said when they were already inside the train, seated and watching as they passed the calm landscapes of the countryside, "There's Mum and Dad, and my sister Nellie still lives in the farm. I have two other sisters, Beth, who lives in Ripon, and Catherine, who lives in York. You'll probably hear my mum complaining about how they rarely visit."

He smiled, but Anna was starting to think this was completely mad. How could she lie to her family? She had never lied to them. She wasn't sure she had ever lied before. And this... this wasn't just a story, a silly joke. This was her life, a life that would soon welcome another human being. It was insane, how could she think about this? Could she do this? Could she manage this? Could they manage this?

Apparently sensing her distress, Mr. Bates looked at her concernedly.

"Are you feeling well, Ms. Smith?"

She looked up and met his kind eyes. A soft smile escaped her lips and she shook her head.

"I feel much better than before, Mr. Bates, thanks for asking," She answered, "I was just thinking. Are you really sure about this? Because I'll understand if you..."

"I'm sure," he interrupted her, "Really, I am."

She smiled gratefully, and nodded absentmindedly.

"So, um... it's a farm, right?" he asked her a bit uncertain.

"It is, a hill farm," she told him, "It's been a while since I visited and I'm sure there are some changes. It's not very big but things have been going very well for the past few years. It's my father's treasure. He'd never sell it, not even when we needed the money. This is why I was sent to service."

"But now you're going back."

"Yes," she breathed, "and I'm not going alone. You should know that this will be a shock for everyone, and Dad might get... angry because I never said a thing about you. But he won't do anything against you, I'm sure of that."

"He won't run over me with a tractor, then?" he asked her with a laugh, but she could tell that he was slightly nervous.

"No," Anna said, "but I would be aware of shovels and rakes if I were you."

He looked at her with a serious expression, apparently weighing the situation, and she let out a laugh; noticing that she was joking, he laughed with her, and Anna was starting to think that this fake marriage could work after all.

"I feel I should know a little about you," Anna commented, "They'll ask many questions. We should be prepared."

He arched his eyebrows, "You're right, of course. Ask away."

"What... What did you do before being a valet?" she asked him tentatively, "I know this may sound unnecessary but I'm sure Dad will ask us this sort of thing."

"I wouldn't expect anything less from him. I know I would ask this, if I had a daughter," he told her with a smile, "I did whatever I could, really. Worked in shops, stations. My leg doesn't help much in this case, unfortunately."

"Oh," Anna said as she stared at his cane, "Why is it...? Don't mind me, please. It is not my place to..."

He looked out to the window, "It's no problem. I got injured during war, many years ago. I can manage just fine with it. Some people just have trouble understanding that."

That made sense, Anna thought. She could hardly ask him the circumstances of his injuries, of course, but she sympathised; she could see now how he hadn't been able to keep the job at Downton. She had a feeling the servants thought it unfair to have a valet with... limitations. And she could understand them, but she felt more for Mr. Bates.

"It's hardly fair to you, though," Anna said, and he looked back at her, "A cane doesn't mean it's impossible for you to work."

He smiled kindly at her, "I'm glad that you think this way, but that's how most people see it. And it's understandable. I'm used to it by now. It's been quite a few years."

The rest of the travel was spent in friendly conversation; it was a good thing that they could talk easily, and soon they found themselves in Langton, and Anna was already feeling butterflies in her stomach. They got off the train and John looked around curiously; it was a small station, barely there actually, given how small Langton was. There was nobody waiting for anyone there.

"I told them they didn't need to wait for me," Anna explained, even if he didn't voice any questions, "I thought the walk would do me good."

And it would delay her arrival, of course. He said nothing, and she assured him that they wouldn't need to walk much. Before leaving the station, however, he motioned for her to take his arm. Holding her suitcase in one hand while the other held John Bates's arm, their act began.

The small town was quite empty, and Anna saw one or two familiar faces who stared at her curiously. Soon they were off the main road, walking around a narrower one. It was a beautiful day and there was a nice breeze around, the noise of the tree leaves shocking against each other making Anna a bit calmer than before.

"I don't mean to sound inconvenient or rude, but," he started after a few minutes in silence, "when is the baby due? Everything needs to be convincing."

"It'll be," Anna assured him, "I... I only found out this morning. The doctor said it's still very early, but I know when..." she cut herself short when she noticed the way he was looking at her, "It happened six weeks ago. So that gives me about eight months."

"So you never told your gentleman c..."

"Don't say that," she briskly said, interrupting him, "He wasn't my gentleman caller. He wasn't like that at all. And no, I never told him and never will tell him about this."

He nodded thoughtfully and stared ahead, and Anna was thankful that his deep gaze left hers; it made her slightly nervous to not know what he was thinking about. She silently scolded herself for sounding so harsh – it was only natural he was curious about it. She couldn't blame him. He was the last person to blame on for anything in her life.

"I'm sorry," Anna said, "It's just... It's a bit hard to talk about this. I'm sorry, Mr. Bates."

"It's quite alright," he told her, "You should probably start calling me John, though."

Anna smiled, "And you should call me Anna. John."

She walked slowly to match his steps and he seemed grateful for that. Anna was just finishing telling him about the new part of the house her father had been talking about for months when he suddenly stopped; she turned to look at him and he was suddenly opening his suitcase in a hurried manner.

"What... Whatever is the matter? Mr. Bates?" Anna asked him with a frown, but closed her eyes in exasperation and corrected herself, "John?"

"You don't have a ring," he said matter-of-factly, finally founding a small box from his suitcase and handing it to her.

"Oh," Anna said in understanding, opening the tiny box to reveal a gold band. She stared at it, a bit surprised. The ring was adorned by two hands holding a heart, with a crown on it. She had heard about this sort of ring. A Claddagh ring. She didn't know much about it but knew enough to know what it meant. Why would he carry a wedding ring with him?

"Try it on," he encouraged, "I hope it's not too big."

"I really don't want to bother. If this ring belongs to someone else, it's unfair to..."

"It doesn't belong to anyone. It was passed to me by a family member," he said, "You can use it. It's no problem."

His eyes were innocent and she nodded, believing in him, though not easing her curiosity. She took off her glove and tried the ring on. It was a perfect fit. Almost too perfect, actually.

"Good. If we're telling a lie, we must take care of every little detail. And this one is not so little. Your family would notice its absence," he said, looking at her left hand, "Don't worry about it. I wasn't intending on presenting anyone with that, anyway."

Finally looking up from her hand, Anna took a deep breath and blinked a few times. She couldn't quite believe they were doing this.

"Thank you," she said weakly, meeting his eyes, "for doing this. Thank you."

"Thank me when this is finished," he told her, closing his suitcase, "We need to fool your family first."

Anna nodded, "You're right. We should get going."

Anna put her glove back on and they continued to walk; the breeze was cool against Anna's face and she took hold of her hat, making sure it was alright. As they walked around a curve in the road, she smiled. She could already see the house. Her home, now for the second time.

As they approached the house, Anna's smile grew wider. Despite her nervousness, it felt good to be home; it felt safer. Much safer than she felt in Downton Abbey, anyway.

She could see that the house was bigger, and she was happy to see several workers on the fields around them. The house was in better conditions than when Anna had last visited, and the garden was beautiful with wild flowers and bees.

When they were almost in front of the house, two women on the other side of the fence looked up, and with wide smiles left their things where they were and marched towards the road. Nellie came running to greet her, and hugged her tightly; oh, how Anna had missed her. Her innocent face let out a laugh of joy upon seeing her sister, and soon her mother came after her, embracing Anna like only a mother could. After a long hug, Anna pulled away, afraid that the tears that were already threatening to fall would have no mercy on her.

As Anna pulled away, she saw Nellie's curious glances towards behind her, and Anna turned to share a look with John. He smiled a bit nervously, and for a moment Anna thought about giving up. Letting this go. Ending something that hadn't even started yet.

"Mum, Nellie, there's someone I want you to meet. This is John Bates," Anna said strongly, feeling that it was this moment or never. John stepped beside her and they shared a meaningful look, "my husband."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **I'm really, really happy with all the feedback from the last few chapters, and I'll try to reply to them as soon as I can. Here's another chapter; it may be a while before I post any, as things have been busy, but I really hope you'll like this one. Thanks for reading!

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**Chapter Four**

John took in the shocked expressions on Anna's relatives' faces. He had expected it, of course, but nervousness was quickly replacing calmness, and he was starting to think that perhaps this would be too difficult. Why did he agree to this again?

Nellie, he presumed, Anna's youngest sister, recovered first and smiled at him, even if she appeared amused by everything. She ntroduced herself and extended her right hand for him to take. It was clear that she was Anna's sister, even if her hair was a dark shade of brown and her eyes were even bluer than Anna's. She was taller than Anna, but their features were much similar, and John guessed that she must be around 18 or 19 years of age.

Anna's mother – Rose was her name, if he remembered correctly – was an older version of Anna, but her hair was the same shade as Nellie's. Shorter than both her daughters, Mrs. Smith was staring at him and her own daughter, as if not quite believing at what Anna had just told her. A frown in her forehead showed how confused she was and her voice was small when she spoke again.

"Husband?" Mrs. Smith mumbled, "Oh, dear. That's… unexpected. You mean that you're… married?"

"If he is her husband, then she's married, Mum," Nellie said, arching her eyebrows and smiling a bit weakly at him, "So, um, congratulations!"

"Married? Anna, what did you have in your mind?" Mrs. Smith asked in a stronger voice, "Oh, dear, your father won't like this. He won't like this at all. Married… Well, we should come in, there's no point in staying out here all day."

Nellie took Anna's suitcase and the sisters shared a smile, before the youngest followed their mother back to the house; Anna took a shaky breath beside him, and he took her hand in his. She looked at him in surprise, but her smile seemed appreciative, and they followed the others to the house.

The parlour was big and commodious, and John took off his hat while looking around. Everything was very neat and welcoming, but there was exasperation in Mrs. Smith expression. She looked at Anna first, taking in her daughter's appearance; her eyes fixed on Anna's left hand when she was taking off her gloves and she blinked a few times before looking at John again.

"John, isn't it? It's… well, it's a surprise to meet you," Mrs. Smith said finally, shaking John's hand, "We should sit down. I know I need to," she said arching her eyebrows, "Nellie, go take a look at supper for a moment, please? And see that your father is coming back, I hate it when he stays in the fields for so long."

Nellie nodded, but seemed a bit disappointed to be missing conversation as she left. Anna sat on the sofa and John sat beside her, feeling Mrs. Smith's eyes on his cane as he walked. Anna looked up at him as he sat down, and her eyes seemed nervous. He was sure his showed pretty much the same emotion.

"So," Mrs. Smith started again, her eyes darting to Anna, "you married and never said a word to anyone about this. Worse, didn't tell us beforehand, or asked for our consent. And Beth didn't tell us anything either. But of course I am happy. I'm just a bit hurt that you never wrote us about this."

"I wanted to tell you in person," Anna said calmly, "I thought it wouldn't be fair to you to find out by a letter."

Mrs. Smith pursed her lips in thought, but said nothing else. Instead, she smiled at them, apparently resigned to the situation.

"So, when did this happen?" she asked, "How did you meet?"

He watched as Anna blinked, obviously trying to formulate an answer. They hadn't discussed this, he realised, and in the spur of the moment decided to speak.

"At Downton Abbey," he told her, ignoring Anna's look upon him, "I was working there as Lord Grantham's valet."

This seemed to satisfy Mrs. Smith for now, and Anna looked thankful after he spoke. Nellie came back a moment later, and asked of the ceremony.

"You didn't marry in church, then?"

"No, we married at the Ripon register office," Anna told them, "I was already leaving so... there was no time for a bigger ceremony."

Nellie sat on Anna's other side and seemed excited about the situation.

"Let me see your ring," she asked, taking Anna's left hand, "Oh, Anna, it's so beautiful. I'm so happy for you."

"We all are," Mrs. Smith agreed, but her tone seemed a little bitter, "And it's so good to have you home. Your father will be so happy to see you. It's the only thing he talks about."

They talked more, asked more questions, and John felt relieved that everything seemed to be going well. Nellie seemed friendly and talked to him of the farm, asking questions about his job as a valet and was curious about life in Downton; Mrs. Smith occasionally asked something too, but she seemed more worried about Anna, and he couldn't have heard most of their conversation, especially after Anna moved to sit closer to her mother. Overall, he was glad that Mrs. Smith seemed to like him – or at least seemed to speak more freely to him after the first few minutes of conversation. They were talking of Anna's sister, Beth, and her new baby, when noise could be heard from the kitchen and Anna stopped talking, the easy smile that had been playing on her face now frozen with the realization that her father had finally arrived.

"That's your father," Mrs. Smith said in a hushed tone, and Anna nodded.

"Don't act like that! You'll be scaring John away, being so pompous," Nellie said, and Anna let out a soft laugh.

"It'll be alright," he heard Anna say, but he could see nervousness in her eyes.

A door opened and Mr. Smith entered the room – or at least John presumed it was him. He figured it was from him Anna inherited her hair colour, even if Mr. Smith's hair had already gone white. He was a well-built man, but not at all like John had imagined him – from what Anna had said, he had imagined the man would be brisk and even rude, but then of course he wasn't aware of the situation yet. Instead, his eyes focused on Anna, and he smiled upon seeing his daughter.

"So you're here!" he said, apparently not even noticing John in the room, "Come on, Anna, and give your old dad a hug."

Anna stood up and walked towards her father, and they hugged for a moment. John exchanged a look with Mrs. Smith, who seemed anxious; Nellie, on the other hand, seemed oblivious to everything.

"Anna has big news to share, Dad!" the young girl said in a playful tone.

"You do, eh?" Mr. Smith said, squeezing Anna's shoulders lightly.

"Yes. Big news," Anna nodded and looked behind her shoulder at John before turning back to her father, "I... I got married, Dad."

Mr. Smith went still suddenly, but did not take her eyes off her daughter. Everyone went silent and Anna walked towards where John was seated; taking the cue, he stood up and Anna took his hand in a brave motion. She did not look at him, but he noticed how shallow her breath was and he squeezed her fingers softly, trying to give her some assurance.

"This is John," she said, managing a smile, "my husband."

John took a step forward and extended his right hand to Mr. Smith, "How do you do, Mr. Smith?"

Anna's father stared at him for a moment, his eyes watchful and emotionless. Finally, he took John's hand and shook it, but was silent for a moment, before he finally spoke.

"My older daughter just tells me she's gone and got married without my consent and you expect me to be fine with it?" he said in mockery, and turned his fierce gaze to Anna, "So you've gone and got married to some chap we have no idea about, without asking for consent and not even warning us about it? Anna Mae Smith, I did not raise you to act this way!"

"But Dad, we..."

"But I suppose you're not a Smith anymore, are yer?" Mr. Smith said, "What's your name again, chap?"

"Bates. John Bates," John told him, and Mr. Smith shook his head disapprovingly.

"So now you're a Bates now, eh?" he asked, but Anna showed no trace of fear, "Really, Anna, I cannot tell you how disappointed I am. No honoured woman would get married to a... strange without her father's consent. What on Earth were you thinking?"

At that, John saw Anna wince very slightly, but she recomposed quickly.

"We didn't tell you because there was no time," Anna started, "And I felt it would be best for you to know in person..."

"Yes, much better!" Mr. Smith said, turning to John, "And what do you do, John Bates? How will you provide for my daughter's life?"

"John is unemployed at the moment," Anna said, without even letting John speak, "But that's just..."

"And I see that he has a cane," Mr. Smith started again, and it was John's turn to wince. "Really, Anna, how could..."

"Don't say that, Dad," Anna said with a firm voice and Mr. Smith grew silent, "Don't try to find flaws here, Dad. I wish you could have been there, but it was not possible. It is done now. We are married and I'm... I'm happy. Isn't that what you've always said? That nothing matters as long as we're happy?"

Mr. Smith blinked a few times, seemingly calming down, "Yes. Of course, you're right. But this... this discussion isn't over," he warned them, and looked directly at John, "And we're gonna need to talk, you and I. Soon."

John nodded immediately and Mrs. Smith was on her feet the next second, stopping beside her husband.

"Frank, do go and change before supper," Mrs. Smith suggested, "And Nellie, be a dear and show Anna and John where they'll be staying. I'm sure they want to rest a bit after travelling."

Nellie stood up immediately and urged them to follow her.

"You're staying at the new part of the house," Nellie told them as they followed her through the hall, "You're so lucky. I wanted this room for myself, but I'm still in my old room. Remember, Anna, when we used to share?"

Anna nodded absentmindedly at her sister, who continued to babble.

"Mum will show the house to you later on, John," Nellie said, "Here we are. I can call you when supper is ready, if you'd like. It won't be much longer."

The bedroom was decorated with simplicity but it looked extremely cosy; as Nellie closed the door behind them, he heard Anna sigh out loud, and he was surprised to find himself doing the same. He hadn't realised how tense he had been back in the parlour. Anna put her suitcase on the bed and sat beside it, closing her eyes for a moment. John rested his own suitcase on a large bureau in front of the bed and took a moment to watch Anna; she looked much better now, even relaxed.

"Well," he started, "That wasn't as bad as I thought it would be."

Anna smiled, opening her eyes, "I agree. Mum will calm him down now. I think... he reacted appropriately. It could have been much worse."

John nodded, crossing his arms in front of him, briefly wondering about their sleeping arrangements.

"This would be of no comparison if... if I told them the truth," Anna said, "I know I've said this before and you're probably growing tired of me, but thank you."

John smiled, "Well, luckily for me, you're an awfully nice company, Anna. And your family seems nice as well."

They shared a smile and Anna soon started looking at the room and arranging her personal items around. John took a few necessary items from his suitcase, but most of his possessions remained there. He stood a few minutes looking at the organised farm around them through the window glass as Anna arranged her things; the silence between them was almost comforting and not awkward at all. Soon enough, Nellie reappeared and called them for supper.

The meal turned out to be a rather quiet affair; Mr. Smith did ask John about his living and his family history, but didn't seem any more disapproving than before, though John did notice some looks exchanged between the older couple throughout supper. More questions were raised about the recent marriage, but so far he and Anna seemed to have everything under control. Soon the subject changed to their other daughters, something that he was grateful for and he was sure that Anna felt the same. All in all, they had survived the first meal with the family unscathed, and things seemed rather promising.

Later that night, as he got ready for sleep, Anna came in – having stayed in the parlour a few minutes longer, at her parents' request – and she looked away in embarrassment after realising he was wearing his undershirt and an old pair of pyjamas.

"I'm sorry, I should have knocked," she said in a quiet voice, finally looking at him. "But you're decent. That's good."

He smiled and they stared at each other for a moment; she looked around in nervousness, and then spoke in a small voice.

"Would you... Would you turn away for a moment?" she said, "Just so that I can change. It's only for a minute."

"Oh," he said, smacking himself for not realising she needed the privacy, "of course."

He turned away immediately, facing the window; it was really dark outside but he could still see signs of life through the nearly transparent curtains. He focused out of the window, but movement from the reflection at the window caught his eye; when he realised he was now staring at Anna's petticoat he averted his gaze to the floor. He wouldn't be tempted and it wouldn't be proper. The seconds seemed to be going forever until she spoke again.

"You can turn now," she said quietly.

He did, and was greeted by the sight of her in a long white nightgown; she had her back to him, and was taking the pins off her hair while looking at the mirror. He ran his fingers through his hair and looked around briefly; he knew they wouldn't share the bed and he would never suggest such a thing to her, even if he knew that his leg would bother him in the following day. He pondered between the floor and the chair in the corner of the bedroom. It was just a chair, and he might get some backache tomorrow, but it did seem comfortable.

He took a book out of his suitcase and sat on the chair. Despite the long travel and the rather emotionally exhausting day, he felt he could read a little. Exchanging a shy smile with Anna through the mirror, he opened a book and was glad for the distraction; in a distant corner of his mind he thought of how absurd the situation he was in was but, somehow, it wasn't so bad after all.

The last thing he saw before falling asleep were Anna's delicate hands braiding her hair.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **So I managed to post another chapter this week - I'll try to update again in a few days, but I can't promise anything. Really hope you'll enjoy this chapter. Thanks so much for everyone who has reviewed, and thanks for reading! Now, let's see how this fake marriage thing is working out...

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**Chapter Five**

John woke up feeling sunlight against his face; he had obviously not closed the curtains well enough. As his eyes adjusted to the lightning, he found his book lying on the bureau beside the chair, and he didn't remember picking up the blanket he was under. Blinking rapidly and rubbing his eyes, he sat up straighter, feeling his back stiff from the bad position he had been in. He saw Anna standing a few feet from him, exactly where she had been the last he saw her, but now she was fixing her hair into a tight bun, and she was fully-clothed on a day outfit.

"Good morning," she told him, meeting his eye in the mirror, and turned around, "You fell asleep right away last night, and I didn't want to bother you. I hope you don't mind the blanket."

He blinked, "No, not at all. Thank you."

She smiled, but he noticed how her eyes seemed tired, "You shouldn't have slept in the chair. I can only imagine how your neck is right now."

"It probably wasn't the wisest of my choices, no," John told her, lightly massaging his neck, "What's the plan for today?"

"I'm not sure," she said, "I need to go to the post office to send a few letters. We could go together. That'll give us time away from the others and you away from Dad. He'll probably want to have a serious talk with you today."

"I wouldn't expect anything less from him," John nodded, "How are you feeling today?"

"Oh," she looked surprised by his question, "I'm... I'm alright. A little nauseated, but I think it'll go away. Thank you for asking."

Her smile was shy and tentative, and he was sure he saw a soft blush creep into her cheeks as her eyes darted around the room, looking at anything, except him.

"It's still very early, but I'm almost sure Mum and Dad are already out and about," she said quietly, "I'll wait for you in the hall."

Five minutes later he left the bedroom, meeting Anna in the middle of the hall. The only sound they could hear was the sound of their own footsteps hitting the hardwood of the floor. When they reached the kitchen, they found Anna's mother there. She smiled appreciatively at them, and no trace of sleep could be seen on her face.

"Oh, so you're up already!" she said cheerfully, "Did you sleep well?"

"Very well, thank you, Mrs. Smith," John said, pulling the chair for Anna to sit before sitting beside her.

"There are no formalities around here, John," Anna's mother said, shaking her head, "No need to keep them up if you're married to my daughter. I suppose... Well, we are family now. Please call me Rose."

He smiled at her, nodding silently and catching Anna's smirk; apparently, things were, indeed, going well.

"Anna, darling, you look a little pale," her mother said worriedly, "Are you feeling well?"

"I'm perfectly fine, Mum, don't worry," Anna said dismissively, "Where's Dad?"

"Oh, out in the fields, of course," she said in a disapproving manner, "Your dad doesn't realise he's not the same man as before. Still think his lungs are the same they were when he was twenty."

"There's nothing... to worry about him, is there, Mum?" Anna asked worriedly.

Rose smiled immediately, though it did not reach her eyes. Anna was taking a sip of her tea at that moment and didn't seem to notice her mother's awkwardness. "Of course not, darling. Everything's alright."

The morning was spent leisurely; he managed to accompany Anna to the post office, and they spent quite some time in the village, running some errands for her mother in the company of Nellie. Soon, half of the village knew of Anna and her new husband, as Nellie happily introduced him to many shop-owners and villagers. Everyone seemed friendly and curious, but luckily for him Anna was always quick enough to dismiss people with the excuse of having much to do. Overall, he met neighbours and acquaintances of Anna's family, and even met some of her childhood friends.

Nellie had stayed back, apparently having promised to have luncheon with a good friend of hers, and they were left on their own to return to her family's house. John found himself stealing glances from her, and watching her when she wasn't looking. In a way, the situation intrigued him, and Anna intrigued him as well. Who was this young woman, who was unmarried and pregnant, and still seemingly so innocent? Her actions intrigued him, and he noticed how ingenuous some of them were, which made him wonder all the more about the real reason why she left Downton Abbey.

At first, he thought she had been abandoned by a boyfriend – he knew these things happened a lot, once the girls got pregnant. He thought that maybe the man in question was someone of a higher social stand than hers; there were so many possibilities. Still, the more he came to know Anna Smith, the more intrigued he was. Could she have been forced, coerced into doing something she didn't want to? The possibility seemed to be too cruel to even consider it, but such things did happen, unfortunately. The way she blushed when he talked, sometimes, did nothing to diminish this train of thought he had been having.

And what a cruel thing it would be, if that was the case. She seemed to be a responsible, kind girl and the more he knew of her the more he was sure of it; who would force someone like her to do something so... The whole picture was sickening to him, and he didn't want to jump into conclusions. She could have been foolish enough to believe in empty words of someone unworthy – that was a common occurrence these days, anyway.

"You seem tense," Anna said as they walked side by side, "What are you thinking about?"

"It's nothing, really. Don't worry," he said, "Things seem to be doing well."

"They do," she agreed, "I'm glad for that. You're... You're a good man, John."

He smiled, not quite agreeing with her. Of course, she knew nothing of his past; how could she? Would she think the same way if she knew about his troubles, his bad decisions? Of course she would.

"And you're a fine lady, Anna," he said quietly, squeezing her hand on his arm ever so lightly; he realised she hadn't let go of him since the village, "It could have been the meanest of women to ask me to be her pretend husband, but instead I got you."

She let out a laugh, "Well, I do like to think that I'm no wicked witch."

"I was thinking more along the lines of Ms. O'Brien," John said, and Anna giggled.

"She's not that bad!"

"Oh, yes, she is," John said as they walked towards her house, "Unless she changed her behaviour after you left. She was always in a bad mood whenever I saw her. Quite nagging, if you want my opinion."

"Well, fine, you win," Anna agreed, bringing her hand to her mouth to stifle her giggles, "I don't think I've ever seen that woman smiling!"

"Perhaps her frowning means that she's happy," he suggested, admiring Anna's smile, "You never know. Some people can surprise us."

She stopped giggling and looked at him, a small smile still playing on her features, "You're right. Some people _can _surprise us."

He smiled back; it was easy to talk to her. He wondered if he could dare ask her about the pregnancy. He couldn't. He didn't know her well enough for that and she would probably find his curiousness offensive. But she did seem very open to him, regarding everything. And she was quickly becoming a friend – he found that he enjoyed talking her, listening to her tales about her childhood in Langton and even telling him about people she knew in the village.

"Oh, look," Anna said, "there's Dad. Let's hope he's friendlier today."

And indeed, Frank was much friendlier that day; he even greeted Anna and John was a smile, at the gate of the house. He looked at Anna closely, giving her a kiss on the cheek, and even nodded at John.

"Anna, go see if your mum needs help with luncheon," Mr. Smith said, and Anna left them, though not before exchanging a bewildered look with John.

He watched as Anna walked into her house, and then stole a brief glance at his supposed to be father-in-law. Mr. Smith was looking at the road, apparently interested on the non-existent car traffic. He looked behind his shoulder for a moment, as if checking that Anna wasn't around, and then looked at him.

"Look, I... I'm sorry about the way I acted yesterday," he started, "You... you two really surprised us, that's all."

"It's alright. I understand that it was a shock," John told him, "There's nothing to feel sorry for."

"Tell that to Rose," he said with a laugh, "She thought Anna would want to go back to Downton after everything. I am happy for you, if you're both happy. It's just... Well, it's a bit difficult to take in everything, y'know? Especially with daughters. You'll understand what I'm saying once you have your own. In a minute she's, well, she's Anna and the other she tells me she's married to... well, you, who is quite a few years older than she is, and has a cane. I don't mean to complain, or to diminish you. Anna chose you, and if she did then I can only hope she made the right choice. But, as her father," he stopped for a moment, taking a deep breath and shrugging ever so slightly, "I worry. Even when I don't need to anymore. Do you... Do you have a plan? Any prospects?"

John mused for a moment; he still needed to talk to Anna about him leaving – it would have to happen eventually, and sooner rather than later; but still, she was going to stay anyway. He'd try to be honest – he felt he needed to keep the lies only when necessary.

"It's difficult for me to find jobs, as you can see," John started, looking at his own leg for a second, and Mr. Smith nodded, "I have to deal with some business in London soon. My mother also lives there."

He nodded, deep in thought, "We would like it if you stayed. With us, that is. But we'll understand if you must go. You see, we're used to not having Anna around. She left us so young... But you have no idea how much we want her to stay."

"I understand, Mr. Smith," John said quietly.

"No, you don't. You won't understand, not until you have children," Mr. Smith said, his attention back on the road, "Funny thing is, we never had to worry about Anna. She was always taking care of the others, and she always had her head in the right place. We worried when she went to Downton, but she was the same as always. I wasn't there to see her growing up, but I know that she's still the same responsible and caring girl she was when she lived here."

John smiled, understanding his explanation perfectly.

"If anyone had told me one of my daughters married without my consent, I'd have said it was Catherine, maybe. She's always been the rebellious one," he commented, "but not Anna. Never Anna. So... I trust you to take good care of her, John. Because if you don't... you'll have to answer to an old man who knows how to use a shovel."

John stood quietly, and pondered on his next words; the truth of their situation raw in his mind, he wished he could tell Anna's father that yes, he would take care of her, with sincerity. But unfortunately, the case was that in a few days, or maybe less than that, he'd leave and probably never hear from them ever again. The words that left his mouth were shallow and meaningless, and he knew it. But right now, the need of lying was greater than honour.

"I will, Mr. Smith."

* * *

"Where's John?"

"Outside, with Dad," Anna said, a bit worried about what her father might be telling the poor man. Looking outside the window, Anna could see that they were talking.

"Oh, that's good," her mother said distractedly, "I had a little talk with your dad yesterday. I'm sure he'll be acting appropriately with John from now on."

Anna continued to look outside; her mind running through millions of possibility. What if John said something that didn't make sense? What if her dad found out something? And she really hoped he wasn't telling John to look after her, because she feared that this would make things worse, considering her arrangement with John and how he seemed to have a strong opinion on what's honourable and what's not.

"Your dad won't kill him, child," she heard her mother's voice, "so stop worrying. You must really care for him," she heard the curiosity on her mother's tone, but Anna chose to keep looking at them, "But then of course, you married him. So obviously you _must_ care for him."

She didn't correct her mother, of course; Anna liked to think that if she had ever the chance of marriage she'd have married for love – it might be a romantic vision of things, but Anna knew that she'd never be able to live and promise her life to someone she didn't love. Her chance was gone now, of course, and she was now resigned to spend the rest of her life alone – or, rather, with her child.

Her hand instinctively touched her belly through the layers of clothing, but she let it rest on her side when she realised what she had done; she knew her mother and she knew she'd have noticed and think it odd – looking around the kitchen, she found her mother busy chopping an onion, and breathed in relief. She turned her attention back to the stew in front of her.

"John seems to be a good man," her mother said, obviously in the mood for talking, "Does he treat you well?"

"Yes," Anna said with honesty, "he treats me very well."

"And how... how was your wedding night?" her mother asked tentatively. Anna stopped stirring and her eyes went wide; of course her mother would worry about such a thing. Mothers always offered some guidance to daughters regarding this sensitive subject, but that hadn't been Anna's case, especially because she wasn't, indeed, married. "Did he... Well, did it go well?"

Anna blinked and felt a tear on her cheek, though she wasn't sure why – for lying, for the pregnancy, for the reason why she was dragged into this lying game, perhaps? There were many possibilities. Thankful that she had her back to her mother, Anna controlled herself and didn't look at her; she began stirring again and wiped the tear away.

Instead, she lied – she tried to think of what a true, real act of love was, and decided that if she had, indeed, married John Bates, she was sure that he'd have been respectful and mindful. Or, at least, that's what she thought of him.

"It went well," Anna told her quietly, knowing that her mother was expecting an answer, "John is very respectful."

"I'm sorry I wasn't with you on your wedding day. I could have prepared you for it," her mother told her.

"I'm sorry too, Mum," Anna said, risking a look at her mother. Rose looked at her with kind, understanding eyes, and it took Anna all she had to keep from crying, "I'm sorry too."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

"I told your father I had business in London," John told her later that evening, as they got ready to sleep, "That'll give me an excuse to leave and then..."

'Never come back' were the missing words on his statement, and Anna tried not to think of them – and apparently, neither did he. She brushed her hair, looking at him through the mirror as he settled on the chair – she'd have to talk to him about that in a minute. She was sure she saw him wincing at least three times during the day, probably from the bad position he slept in.

"When do you plan to leave?" she asked in a low voice that was almost whisper. They were far from Nellie's bedroom and her parents slept in the second floor, but that didn't mean everyone was asleep.

"I don't know. To be honest, I don't know how long I should stay," his voice was low as well, "As long as you wish me to, I suppose. What do you say?"

She turned around slowly, all the while working on her hair, "I don't know. Whenever you want to go, well, you're free to go. It's fine to me. You don't... You don't have to stay long. If you don't want to."

His eyes met hers and she shivered slightly; it was probably just cold. She turned around and finished her hair. He nodded absentmindedly.

"I, um, I could leave tomorrow, but your father wants to show me the farm," he told her at last, with a nervous smile, "If you don't mind, that is."

"I don't mind," she said all too quickly, then fixed her eyes on the floor to avoid his glare. "Like I said, you can go whenever you want to. I really don't mind."

He smiled appreciatively at her and went back to his book; Anna took a look at herself in the mirror and didn't find her own image very pretty. She looked tired, much like she was feeling, and she was paler than normal – she blamed it on how nauseated she had been feeling all day.

"Can I... Can I ask you what you and Dad were talking about this morning, before luncheon?" Anna asked tentatively, and he looked at her once more.

"He just asked about our plans," John told her, "and told me to take care of you. But don't worry, he wasn't harsh or rude. He was just worried about you."

Anna nodded and pursed her lips; he didn't turn his attention back to the book, expecting her to say more.

"Yes, he was in a better mood today," she said, walking towards the bed, "Mum said she had a little talk with him. It mustn't have been a very nice conversation, I think."

He chuckled, "I agree."

Anna climbed into bed and under the covers, and made to blow out the candle, but noticed he remained sat, his attention back to the book, though he appeared to not be reading anything from it.

"You shouldn't sleep there tonight," Anna said, "It's not good for you."

"I don't mind," he said in a tired voice, closing his book.

"You can take the bed tonight," Anna suggested, "It's not fair to you, to have a bad night of sleep just because of me."

"I can manage. It's not a problem. Really," he said as she appeared unconvinced. "It's alright, I'll sleep on the floor tonight. It'll be better than the chair, anyway."

"Are you sure?" Anna asked as he rummaged about and picked the extra pillow from the bed.

"I'm sure. Don't worry," he said with a reassuring smile, "Good night, Anna."

"Good night, John."

* * *

"Nowadays I just take rounds and see if everything is being done the right way," Mr. Smith told him as they walked around the farm. The day was beautiful and sunny, even if it was a little warm. "Rose hates it when I spend too much time walking around. She says this is no good to me. But who will make sure everything's alright?" he shook his head, "Nellie prefers to spend time in the village than in the farm, and Rose's always busy around the house. And I don't mind. When I think about how hard things were a few years ago, walking around is a blessing."

John smiled a bit sadly, his eyes falling upon Anna, who had just stopped walking, a few feet in front of them. They were in front of the barn, and she and Nellie were talking to one of the workers.

"Back when the girls were children things weren't going well," Mr. Smith told him in a quiet tone, "The harvest had been bad and we lost many cows. We could count the number of sheep on one hand," he shook his head at the memory, "Rose tried to help, but Nellie was still a baby back then. We had two or three workers helping, but that was it. After a while, we couldn't handle anymore. That's why Anna had to leave us."

"It must have been hard for you," John commented.

"Yes. But it was necessary. She left and Beth soon followed her. They saved the farm, those two," Mr. Smith said with a smile, "No one wants anything to do with farms nowadays. Beth hasn't visited in months; Nellie prefers to spend time in the village than here. Catherine was the only one who enjoyed spending time around, but her husband wants nothing with it. You'll know him soon. Thinks being a salesman in a big city is better than breathing this kind of air."

"I must say that I don't agree," John told him, "Few things are better than the countryside air."

"No truer statement was ever made," Mr. Smith said, but as soon as he finished speaking he started coughing violently, and even had to lean on John to regain his balance.

"Are you alright, Mr. Smith?"

"Yes," he said, but coughed one more time, "I'll be fine. Let's go take a look at the barn. We don't have many dairy cows but we don't need to buy any milk products at all, which is more than enough for us."

They entered the barn and, as Mr. Smith said, there weren't many cows around. Nellie was walking ahead of them, looking at the calves, and Anna was talking animatedly to a worker while he milked one of the cows.

"Ah, there he is," Mr. Smith said, walking towards Anna and the worker. John followed them, stopping beside Anna, who smiled brightly at him. "John, this is Ted. He's been with us on the farm for more than twenty years."

"It's nice to meet you," John said politely at the man; he appeared to be around Mr. Smith's age.

"John is Anna's husband," Mr. Smith explained to Ted, "I'm showing him the farm. Do you think we could..."

As Mr. Smith engaged Ted in conversation, Anna turned to John, a playful smile on her features.

"We're a long way from London here, John."

"Indeed," John said with a smile, winking at her, "but I quite like it."

Anna let out a laugh, prompting her father to look at her. She stifled her chuckle with her hand over her mouth, and turned to him with a determined look on her face.

"Let's see if you really like it," she told him quietly, her voice almost a whisper, "Dad, John wants to try to milk the cow."

"Oh," her father said, staring at him, obviously surprised. A slow smile formed on his features. "That's what I like, lad! Nothing like a hard-working man, that's what I always say. Come over here."

John's eyes widened, but Anna's face was too beautiful for him to say no to her; he knew she was only teasing him, and he also knew that she was expecting him to back off, but he thought better of it. John arched his eyebrows, looked at the cow and then at Anna's father.

"Alright," John said, walking over to him, "let's do this."

Anna was obviously surprised, and he heard her quiet giggles as Ted showed him how to do it; Nellie soon joined them – and was giggling at his inexperience along with Anna. He looked pointedly at her one time, and she stopped laughing, though the smile didn't disappear.

"Let me help you," she said at last, when he denied Ted's help once more, "It's been a while since I've done this, but I think I still remember how."

"Anna, I can do this."

"You silly beggar," she said, rolling her eyes, "You've been trying to do that for five minutes already, and no progress has been made. Let me help you."

Her tone was teasing and light, and he couldn't help but notice that she was looking rather radiant this morning. She smiled at him, a shy smile, and he responded with one of his own. She sat beside him on the stool, and rolled up her sleeves a bit. He watched as her delicate hands milked the cow and he imitated her actions, earning a smile from her. Her eyes were twinkling in amusement as he worked, her lips still maintaining that smile.

"It appears that I'm not that bad," he said quietly to her, conscious that the other weren't listening anymore, too caught up on their own conversations.

Anna nodded, her gaze on the floor; she looked up back at him, a happy expression on her face, "Perhaps you're not bad at all."

He locked his eyes with hers, admiring her features; he had always wondered what colour were her eyes, never really making a decision between green and blue. Now, in the badly illuminated barn, they were green, and soon he found himself getting lost in their depth. All too soon, however, their connection was lost, as her father started to talk to John again.

* * *

John's third day with Anna's family was coming to an end, and with it Anna became nervous. She didn't want to point it out, but maybe – maybe it was time for him to leave. She watched as he talked to her mother, how he joked with Nellie and his deep conversations with her father. She knew what was happening and perhaps in a different life she would have been happy with it. But in this one, it didn't make her happy – quite the contrary. Her family liked John – she could see their affection growing, and she knew it wouldn't be fair to anyone if this got out of hand.

If she were honest to herself, she'd think of how her feelings toward him were changing, but she decided against thinking of them. It would do her no good.

"Have you... Have you thought about leaving?" she asked him quietly that evening, when they were alone in the parlour. Her parents had just retired to bed, and Nellie had done the same not five minutes ago.

He paused and looked at her with a serious expression.

"I... I did not. But I can go tomorrow if you want me to," he added quickly, "I'll go whenever you want me to."

Anna smiled inwardly and lowered her head ever so slightly, "I already told you that you can go whenever _you _want to. I just don't want this to go out of our control. And we need to settle on the money."

"Don't worry about money. I already told you I'm not doing this because of it. But I agree with you, we must keep control within our hands," his eyes met hers and he frowned, "I did promise to Nellie that we'd go to that fair she's been talking about. She's very insistent, you know."

Anna let out a chuckle, "I know."

"But I can go tomorrow if you want me to," he said, "I don't have to stay until Saturday."

She could see where this was going; and as much as she wanted to avoid it, she couldn't tell him to go, not really. She'd never ask him to stay either. As it was, they would all be miserable with any outcome; one more day with him couldn't hurt, could it?

She was going to tell him that she wanted him to stay, but Nellie chose to appear in that precise moment. She eyed them both with curiosity.

"I forgot my notebook in here," she told them quietly, with a shy smile, "I seem to be always forgetting it somewhere."

They watched as she picked up the notebook and stood in the middle of the parlour rather awkwardly. She seemed almost nervous, actually. Anna was just about to ask what was the matter when Nellie spoke again.

"John, would you excuse us for a moment?" she asked, "I'd like to talk to Anna for a minute."

"Of course," he said, standing up instantly, "I was already going to bed anyway. Have a good night, Nellie."

"Good night, John."

"I'll see you in a minute," Anna said to him as he passed by her. They shared a smile and he left.

Anna looked curiously at Nellie, who kept silent until they heard the distinct noise of a door opening and closing. She took the seat beside Anna that John had just vacated, and appeared to be a bit worried. Her gaze was fierce against Anna's, but she seemed more confused than angry.

"Anna, I... I did some things I'm not proud of," she started, looking around nervously, "and I'm sorry. I was going to let it go, but I can't anymore."

Millions of thoughts crossed Anna's mind, and she stared at her sister, confused. "What is it, Nellie?"

"I had forgotten the notebook in your bedroom. I... I used to go there to write. The lightning is pretty good," she said nervously, "So I went to bring it back early this morning, and I know it's rude to come in, but I didn't want to wake you and Mum said it was alright if I made sure you were sleeping. And you were, but you weren't... Why is John sleeping on the floor?"

Anna stared at Nellie, shocked and without knowing what to do. She looked at the floor nervously, but luckily for her Nellie continued to speak.

"I was going to let it go, but I... I heard you," she told her, "just now. About John leaving. I didn't mean to, I was coming in and I just listened, and I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have listened, it was wrong... But it was all so odd – Anna, what is going on? The talk about leaving and, and money... What is this all about, Anna?"

* * *

A/N: Now, I must tell you I know nothing of farms or cows or any of this sort of things. So I apologise for the lack of details and such. ;) Really, really hope you've enjoyed this chapter. Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **So here's Chapter 7. Brace yourselves - this story will be twelve chapters long, so we're slowly approaching the end. :) Really hope you'll enjoy this chapter. I'd love to know your thoughts on this one. Thanks so much for reading!

* * *

**Chapter Seven**

Anna pulled her shawl closer to her body as she opened the backdoor and the crispy night air met her. She looked around, enjoying the quiet atmosphere, and thankful that the moon was bright enough so that everything wasn't very dark. She sat on a bench at the porch, shivered slightly and took a deep breath. She knew this was the beginning of the end.

Her secret was out.

She told Nellie the truth. She couldn't find excuses and she didn't want to; Anna felt she owed her sister that much. Nellie was shocked, surprised and fearful of their father's reaction if he ever found out, and after recovering from the initial shock, she promised Anna secrecy on this. And while Anna was ever so grateful for that, the feeling that things were beginning to fall apart was enough for her to full her mind with the worst possibilities. After her talk with Nellie, she went to the bedroom she shared with John, finding him already asleep on the floor. She changed her clothes and hoped sleep would find her, but it didn't happen. She had too much on her mind.

John would have to leave soon. She needed to tell him that. When she made this proposal to him, she had thought of only a few days there – perhaps a week? – but they were there for only three days and someone already found out. And things _were _going so well – John proved to be a very honourable man, not ever disrespecting her or even trying to take advantage of the situation. Not once he touched her without her touching him first; not once he asked indiscreet questions; not once he looked at her with prejudice, or disgust. And she couldn't deny to herself – for she was never one to deny her own thoughts – that he was, little by little, captivating her. With a look, a smile, or even simple actions.

She trusted Nellie, and she trusted John. But for the first time in her whole life, Anna wasn't sure she could trust herself.

Anna closed her eyes briefly, remembering the events of the day. He was so lovely to her – he took her teasing with playful retorts, and he was smart and funny, she found out, as he opened himself to her. There was so much she didn't know and he was already making his way into her heart. There was only one thing she could do to stop him, but she didn't have the heart to tell him he needed to leave, not so soon. Still, the chances were many, and the outcome of this could either be successful or a complete failure.

She sighed at her thoughts. He was her only chance of having a normal life – and she needed that. Her child would need that.

Feeling a bit emotional after everything that happened in the past hours, Anna didn't stop her tears from falling down. How could her life become so crazy, all of sudden? What did she do to have this? She sniffed lightly, thinking of all the responsible actions she always made, of how she always tried to reason others. People would laugh if they knew the poor decision that made this all happen.

"Anna?"

The quiet whisper made her jump on her seat; she turned around and saw John at the door and relief flowed through her. She definitely wouldn't have wanted to explain tears to her mother or her father. She pursed her lips and tried on a smile, even though she knew it did not reach her eyes. She wiped her tears away, and looked at him. His hair was a bit messy, which gave him quite a different image than what he normally presented her with - but Anna found it comforting. He wasn't holding his cane, and but somehow he managed to make his step quiet. He seemed to be a bit concerned.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I got a little worried that you weren't there."

He really was such a nice man.

"I can't sleep, so I came here to think a little."

"Oh. I'll leave you to your thoughts, then," John said quietly.

"You can stay, if you want to," Anna said a bit too quickly, "There's... there's something I'd like to talk to you about. If you feel like talking, that is."

"It's alright," he said, walking slowly towards the bench and sitting beside her, "It'll take me a while to sleep now, anyway."

Anna nodded absentmindedly, staring at the moonlit porch around them.

"Nellie knows," Anna said at last, her voice almost as quiet as a whisper, "She knew that we were not sleeping together and she heard us talking before she came in this evening."

John nodded thoughtfully, and Anna turned to look at him. His eyes urged her to go on.

"I told her the truth. I couldn't lie to her," she told him, "She said she wouldn't tell anyone about this. I'm sorry, this shouldn't have happened. But I do trust her."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," John told her quietly, "She's your sister. And she seems to be a good friend as well. If you think she can be trusted, that might be a good thing, after all."

Anna nodded, "I think so too, yes," she took a deep breath, "She... I didn't tell her the whole story. All the details. She... She looked so disappointed. And she said something... Well, she's right, even with the circumstances... I already knew that, but it's different when someone else says it."

He was looking at her with such honesty, so raw and with no prejudice at all that she felt tears in her eyes again. He didn't say anything, and somehow that only made things more difficult.

"She wanted to know who he was," Anna said, her voice almost as low as a whisper, "She wanted to know why I'd give myself away like that. What could I tell her? I... I didn't know him. I didn't know him at all," she said, shaking her head vehemently, "His... His name is Edmund Lloyd. I don't know much about him."

She ventured a glance at John, and he didn't look away. Could she dare to tell him about what happened, when she hadn't had the courage to tell Beth or Mrs. Hughes? Could she bear to look him in the eye after telling him this? All the same, she couldn't keep this to herself, not anymore – there was nothing to be done, except to move on, but she doubted she'd ever be able to do so while keeping this inside.

She couldn't tell him.

"How can you still look at me like that knowing the truth?" she asked in a whisper, "That I'm... no more than a fallen woman. No more than a slut, no more than..."

"Don't say that," he interrupted her; his tone wasn't harsh – on the contrary. His voice held such softness and his eyes were still so kind. "I think... I think we both know that you're not like that, Anna. You would never be like that," his voice was strong and closed her eyes briefly, feeling touched by his kindness, "You were... You were forced, weren't you?"

She opened her eyes immediately, meeting his gaze; shocked at his question, she did nothing more than blink – a tear fell, then two, then three – and she nodded, closing her eyes at the memory. He knew, and she didn't even tell him.

"I was... I was so stupid," she managed to say, "He was... He was a visitor at the house. Lord Grantham had some kind of business with him in London. He said he was lost, he said that he couldn't find his room, and it was late and he couldn't find anybody else," she told him in a rushed tone, new tears falling from her eyes, "And I was so stupid to believe in him. It was my entire fault. If I hadn't believed in him, I..."

"Don't put the blame on yourself, Anna," John interrupted her, his eyes suddenly fierce, burning with something she didn't quite know what was, "This... This man had no right to do this to you and I daresay he would have managed to do it even if you had behaved differently. You did nothing wrong. Alright?"

Anna nodded, closing her eyes again, not daring to look at him; she tried to control her sobs, but it was so incredibly difficult to do so; there was it. He knew now. How would she be able to talk to him, to look at him now? As new tears fell down her cheeks she tried to control them, to wipe them away with the back of her hand, but there was no use. Suddenly she felt two soft hands on her shoulders and she willingly let herself be pulled closer to him; his body was so comfortable against hers and his hands were so gentle on her back; everything about him felt good, so unlike the other man's hands, or his voice, or his skin. He was so caring and understanding. Anna leaned against John, his embrace prompting her to let her quiet sobs out freely; glimpses of memories she'd rather forget flashed upon her eyes – a hand clasping her mouth shut, preventing her from screaming; a strong, rough hand against her throat. She fought, but she couldn't have escaped him.

"I tried to scream," she said as her sobs subsided a little, "but I couldn't. In the end, I was... I couldn't scream. I had no voice."

She thought she saw him wincing, but perhaps it was just her blurry vision; he just sat there, beside her, comforting her, making her feel better – and Anna realised that this talking, sharing this torment with someone else even made her feel a little better. She never had the heart to tell anyone about this – not Mrs. Hughes, not the doctor, not even Nellie. Whenever she thought about it, the memories were too much – and she felt as if she had no voice, once again. But with him she felt at ease – she trusted him. And as much as she thought he didn't deserve to know about her troubles, she felt relieved for talking about this.

"I'm so sorry for telling you all this," she said, pulling away ever so slightly to look at him in the eye, "I feel... I feel so lucky to have you here. I think I would have gone insane without you. But this is... my problem. Not yours. I'm sorry."

His smile was sad; he took a strand of her hair off of her face, putting it behind her ear, and, for a brief moment – a brief moment where his gaze focused on her lips – she thought he was going to kiss her. She was wrong, however, because he was just simply looking at her. She felt a bit stupid for thinking he would ever try to take advantage of her. She knew he wouldn't, especially not after this conversation, and she felt relieved because of it.

"You're such a strong woman, Anna," he said in a whisper, "You have my admiration. And I have faith that this will only make you stronger. No one should go through what you did."

Anna smiled gratefully, leaning into him once more. Her tears were drying off quickly, and she was starting to feel overwhelmed about everything. They didn't say anything else, just sat there, listening to an owl hooting in the distance. The conversation rendered Anna tiredness, and soon she felt her eyelids getting heavy. Sensing this, John sat upright and pulled Anna away from him.

"We should sleep," he said, his eyes tired as well, "It's very late."

Anna nodded, standing up as he did the same, "You should sleep in bed tonight. To prevent any other occurrences."

He nodded at her whisper, "Are you sure?"

Anna nodded quickly, "Yes. I trust you."

They walked quietly around the house, discovering it as quiet as before; as John closed the door behind them and Anna rubbed her eyes sleepily, she caught him staring at her. His gaze didn't seem out of pity or sad – it seemed understanding. Slipping into bed, she smiled shyly at him. He soon followed her, lying on the opposite side of the bed as he bid her good night.

"Good night," Anna whispered, "And thank you."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

Anna rubbed the sleep from her eyes and looked around the bedroom; the room was well lit with sunshine and she deduced it was already a bit late in the morning. She frowned. It wasn't normal for her to wake up whenever she wanted to – she spent years hearing knocks on the door telling her to wake up, and that didn't change in her parents' home. Still, it was quite obvious that her mum had let her sleep in, and Anna was more than glad for it.

The night had been tiring – more emotionally rather than physically. She remembered sleeping as soon as her head hit the pillow, and she remembered John – he slept in bed last night.

Anna looked beside her warningly. John wasn't there. She felt a bit relieved, actually – he had been the perfect gentleman towards her, and it was good that she wouldn't have to worry about sending him out so that she could get dressed. Yawning, she sat up, feeling her stomach flip ever so slightly – she was used to feeling nauseous by now, but that didn't make it any better, and it looked like today was going to be one of those days.

She wasn't much hungry and chose to eat a small slice of bread for breakfast – the house was empty and the day was beautiful, so she figured her parents and Nellie were out; she did wonder about John, but perhaps he had his own errands to run. She stood up after eating, feeling a little light-headed, and leaned on the chair to get some balance.

"So the sleeping beauty decided to wake up!" her mother's voice reached her ears, and Anna jumped ever so slightly, making her free hand grip the chair for support, "Are you feeling any better, dear? John asked me to let you sleep in. He said you were awfully tired and thought you could use a late morning."

Anna blinked, "Oh. Did he? That's... That's kind. I'm feeling a little better, thank you," she smiled, "Where's John, by the way?"

"Oh, he went to the post office," her mother said, turning and looking at her with concern, "Are you feeling well, Anna? You're looking terribly peaky."

"I'm feeling a little light-headed, that's all," Anna said dismissively, "I'm sure it'll be gone soon."

"Are you sure?"

"I am," Anna said, "Some of my clothes need some mending. I think I'll do that now. Do you mind if I go, Mum?"

"Not at all, darling," her mother said, looking at her suspiciously.

* * *

John left the post office with the feeling of mission accomplished. It had been almost four days since his arrival at Langton, but since he didn't know how much longer he would be staying, he thought it would be best to inform his solicitor of his current location. For months the divorce process had been going on – and with it, his money was also going away – but he felt it was a good cause. The solicitor had assured him it wouldn't be long before everything was complete; they only needed the decree to be granted, which shouldn't take long. Before he left Downton, he had been informed that he and Vera were legally separated. John knew that the divorce would come soon; it was only a matter of time.

He didn't know exactly why, but it felt like this was even more important now. He knew it wasn't just because of Anna – she had become a good friend, even after so little time around him. It pained him to think of the things she had been through, and he admired her so much for not throwing her life away – she was extremely brave, and he knew she only wanted the best to her child. Talking to her, he felt comfortable and happy; she was a fine woman, and no one deserved what happened to her. But still, to know her like he was getting to and to know what had happened – it shouldn't have happened to her. Not to Anna.

He thought about asking her more about the man who did that to her, but perhaps it was too much interest on his part. Or perhaps it was best for him not to know any more of him; John had a temper, and he doubted he would ever be able to control it if he saw the man who had harmed Anna so much. He understood how difficult it must have been for her – who would listen to a housemaid? Who would trust a housemaid, instead of a noble? For the man was noble, John was sure of that – a visitor in Downton Abbey, with good manners and an innocent smile? Of course Anna couldn't have predicted anything.

"John!" he heard his name, and looked behind him to see Nellie; she was leaving a store and taking hurried steps towards him, clutching her hat to prevent it from falling, "Are you going home?"

"I am, yes," he said awkwardly. It wasn't needed to lie to Nellie anymore, for she knew nearly the whole story, but somehow that made him slightly nervous.

"We can go back together, then," she said brightly matching his step. Looking at him with a curious glance, she seemed a little eager to talk about something. "What was that frown for?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"That frown on your forehead. I could almost hear you thinking from inside the shop!" she said with a chuckle.

"Oh, it was... it was nothing," John said as they walked out of the village and into the now familiar road that led to the farm, "Just thinking about your sister, that's all."

"I figured as much. She looked terribly distraught when we talked last night," he noticed how she appeared a bit nervous as well, "I... I suppose she told you about our talk."

"She did."

"Yes, I thought so. I... I think I might have been a bit harsh to her. Did she tell you anything about it? Because... well, you do seem to get along really well."

"She didn't mention anything specific," John told her, "but I think she felt rather relieved for telling you. I know she has been having a hard time."

Nellie nodded, her expression thoughtful, "I was just... so surprised. I never thought... Anna was always such a great example to me. This... This just tells me an entirely different vision from the one I had in the past."

"Anna is an admirable woman, and she's still a great example," John said, his voice calm, "You shouldn't let your knowledge of the facts shadow the unknown circumstances."

Nellie frowned at him, but didn't pursue the subject. They walked in silence until she spoke again.

"She was always my favourite," she blurted out of nowhere, starting him a bit, "I mean, I love all my sisters, but Beth never wrote, and Catherine never wanted me around. Anna would always write a letter for me, along with the one she always sent Mum and Dad. And she used to play with me – when we were little. She was always so patient," Nellie looked up at him with a smile, "She'll be a great mum. I know that already."

John smiled at the thought, "Any child would be lucky to have her as a mother."

"I'll apologise to her later," Nellie said determinedly, "You're right. I don't know the circumstances but I know Anna. And don't worry, I won't tell Mum and Dad about this."

"We're very grateful for that," John told her, "Anna trusts you, and so do I."

"She was so lucky to find you. And so brave to ask this of you," she said, shaking her head, "How long will you stay?"

"I'm not sure," he said sincerely, "I need to talk to your sister about this. But I'm afraid I can't stay too long."

"I'll be sad to see you go, especially when I think of everything we'll go through. But it's for the best," she said in a resigned way; when she looked up at him, however, she had a smile on her face, "I was even starting to see you like a brother."

He smiled at the young woman, his nervousness now gone. Nellie was a good girl, and it was nice to know you could count on someone.

Trouble was – he was starting to see her like a sister as well.

* * *

Anna's father seemed to be in a chatty mood that day, talking to John of anything and everything; the older man seemed to enjoy John's company – if it wasn't for his own it was perhaps because he was the only other man in the house – and they were having a pleasant conversation about the government during dinner. Mr. Smith was no stupid man, and he seemed to keep informed in every news, and had a formed opinion on most of things.

As Mr. Smith talked, John couldn't help but notice that, sitting beside him, Anna barely touched her food. After a few minutes, he observed her as took a sip of her water and breathed in deeply. She wasn't well.

Frank might have been distracted, but a quick look around the table told John that the women noticed too. Nellie looked far too interested on her food, and Rose was watching Anna intently. Thinking that perhaps some discussion had inspired the women during the day, and knowing that Anna wasn't planning on telling them of the pregnancy until he left, John decided to do something – he was already finished and, by the look on Anna's face, it didn't look like she'd eat anything anytime soon.

"Are you feeling alright, dear?" he asked her worriedly, looking at her; she was as pale as a sheet, and he was reminded of that scene he saw at the train station, "Do you want to go outside? Perhaps the fresh air will do you some good."

Anna nodded almost immediately; John stood up and helped her up, thinking that perhaps she was feeling rather tired; he did remember her mentioning to Nellie that she wasn't feeling quite well.

Exchanging a look with Rose, he was as calm as ever, and Anna's mother appeared a bit relieved. They went for the backdoor, and John chose to close it behind him. There were a few candles outside, and he stopped at the porch. He heard Anna sigh and watched as she walked around a bit helplessly.

"This is so frustrating," she said quietly, her right hand clutching at her stomach, "I've been feeling this way for over two days. It would be better if I just..."

He smiled sadly at her as she breathed in deeply.

"Mum is already suspicious," she told him, "The last thing I need is to..."

But he never heard the end of the sentence, for Anna's nausea had given space to coughing and he knew she was emptying her stomach; he stood in his place, not wanting to intrude. She had been standing a few feet from him, outside the porch, and when it was over she walked back, sitting on the bench on the corner. Her hands were trembling ever so slightly, and there was some trace of tears in her eyes. She was still clutching at her stomach, but her breathing seemed slightly better, and so did the colour on her face.

"And I always thought pregnancy was a gentle, pleasing way to bless a woman's life," she told him with a hint of irony in her voice. He crossed his arms in front of his middle, slightly amused. She let out a chuckle, "Not gentle at all."

She didn't seem bitter, and there was no trace of remorse in her words; in fact, she looked almost relieved and amused at what had just happened. He smiled, glad that she was feeling better.

"This baby will be the death of me," she told him, seemingly more serious.

"They do say that children can be difficult," he told her, "But we should try and have positive thoughts on this one."

She smiled at his words.

"It doesn't matter," Anna said, shaking her head, "I don't know why, but... I love it already. No matter what."

They shared a smile, and he wondered if it meant more than it did; perhaps he was starting to read too much into things.

* * *

"Anna hasn't been well for days," Rose said in a curious voice, "I wonder what's this all about."

"She's just adjusting to a new life, Mum," Nellie said dismissively, "No need to imagine things."

"I'm not imagining things, Nellie!" Rose said, "It is all quite possible. Isn't it, Frank?"

"What is it, Rose?"

"For Anna to be with child, of course!"

"So soon?" Frank asked her, slightly amused, "Come now Rose, they are barely married."

"Well, if she's anything like me she'll be pregnant soon," Rose said matter-of-factly, "It's only natural for it to happen, anyway. I shall have a little talk with her tomorrow."

"Leave her be, Rose," Frank said with a cough, "Don't meddle into their business."

"I'm sure it's nothing," Nellie said, "And well, if it is, we'll all be happy. Won't we?"

"Of course," Rose said almost immediately.

"Well then," Nellie said with a somewhat nervous smile, "nothing to worry about."

* * *

**A/N: **Hope you've enjoyed this chapter; now John's solicitor will know where he is - but what about Vera? ;) Thanks so much for reading and for everyone who has reviewed so far. It's always great to know your opinions! :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

John knocked on the door very quietly and, upon hearing no movement from the inside, he opened the door very slightly; he saw Anna already in bed, a book in her hands. They now had the tradition of coming to bed in separate times – it was best for at least one of them to get dressed in peace. As he stepped into the room, going over to his side of the bed to get dressed, Anna turned away from him, closing the book as she did so, and he started to get undressed.

She seemed almost too quiet, and when he was finally on his sleep cloths and climbed into bed he thought she might have been asleep already. When he bent over to blow out the candle on her side, however, she turned over, lying on her side. She had a frown on her forehead, apparently deep in thought.

"Have you ever been married, John?" she asked him in a quiet voice, looking up at him.

He gulped at her words; he had feared this question for a while. He could lie to her neighbours, and to the villagers and to her family, but he couldn't lie to her. Not to her.

Still, how could he tell her he was in the middle of a divorce process because his married relationship was never a healthy one? How could he tell her about her wife, who was unfaithful, a thief, and nothing compared to Anna? He simply couldn't find the words to say it.

"I have, yes," he answered sincerely, and she looked at him in surprise, "But it didn't work out very well."

The frown returned again, and he could tell she was curious at his words.

"Well, I'm... I'm sorry to hear that," she told him weakly.

"I'm not. I was much too young at the time and made a few poor decisions," he explained, "Why do you ask?"

"It's nothing. I just wonder what is it like to be married," she said, "To have someone to support you and love you."

He smiled sadly, "I'm afraid I can't answer you how that is."

She nodded slightly, her fingers playing with the ring on her left hand. The ring fit perfectly –what an enormous coincidence, he thought. It didn't make anything easier, though.

"Did she wear this ring?"

"No, she didn't," he answered her, "My grandmother gave it to me before she died. The tradition is to give the ring to a granddaughter, but my grandmother had none. I was already married when she passed away and, to be sincere, I never had any wish to give it to my wife. Besides, my grandmother was never fond of her. It didn't seem right."

Anna nodded, her smile a bit sad, "I'm sorry for wearing it. It doesn't seem right, but..."

"No, it does," he said almost too quickly, "It's no problem, I've told you before. I'm glad you're wearing it. My grandmother would have liked you."

He wasn't lying; his grandmother would have liked Anna. He was almost sure his own mother would like Anna, if she ever met her. Anna was nothing, nothing like Vera.

She sat up straighter in bed, in a way that they were in the same eye level. Her eyes were on the ring; John understood the tradition of it, how important it was to the family. He remembered his grandmother telling him that it had been on the family for at least three generations, and that he could give it to his daughter, if he ever had one. At the time, with his marriage already in ruins and the knowledge that soon he'd be off to South Africa, the thought of having children seemed quite impossible. After he returned to England, to Vera and with a serious injury, after going to prison and seeing their marriage fall apart completely, it had all become, indeed, impossible. He had given up the thought of children a long time ago, and he never thought of it again. The ring would remain with him, but he would never have anyone to give it to, in the end.

"What was she like?" Anna asked him quietly.

"My grandmother?" he asked, and she nodded, "Well. She was Irish. Very Irish," he added, and Anna grinned, "and she did like a good beer, but she was a good woman, with high morals and the like. She was very strict, especially when I was a child. We used to visit her a lot when I was child."

Anna let out a chuckle, and he couldn't help but notice how beautiful she looked at that moment. She had let her hair loose tonight, and he thought she looked especially beautiful like that. Her eyes seemed a little tired, but she didn't look very pale, like she had been during dinner. He saw her try to stifle a yawn and found out he was pretty tired himself.

"What is it like in Ireland?" she asked in a tired voice, settling back down on the pillow. He did the same.

"Well, it's been years since I went there," he started, "but I used to love it. I'd like to come back one day."

He wasn't a very talkative person, but somehow he felt rather comfortable around Anna, as she seemed genuinely interested. She asked questions and they exchanged stories about their childhood adventures and laughed and talked some more of life and other problems; the hour seemed to go by very fast and when he saw Anna yawn for the third time in a row he declared it was time for sleep. She agreed, and they bid each other goodnight with smiles.

It had been quite a while since he had had such a restful sleep.

* * *

John wasn't sure exactly how, but in the next evening he found himself staring at many couples dancing. Nellie had invited them to go – it had been months since a fair had been in Langton, and there would also be a dance afterwards; she knew how fond of these Anna was, and pleaded for John to go. Anna, for her own part, didn't insist on going, but John thought that maybe it would be good for her to go out a bit. Also, Mr. Smith did ask him to go and keep an eye on Nellie for him.

Thus, he accompanied the two ladies to the village hall, and Nellie was soon out of their sight, having found some friends from the village. Anna shook her head at her sister, but seemed quite content herself. They walked around the fair and had fun talking and laughing at the many amusements being held. Soon enough, however, Anna said she was hungry and they stopped to eat; she seemed a bit worried for not having found Nellie, but they found her not half an hour later.

"You'll stay for the dance, won't you?" she asked them.

Anna pursed her lips in thought.

"We haven't thought about it. I suppose we could stay for a while," she said, her eyes meeting his, "just so that Nellie could dance a little. You don't mind, do you, John?"

"Not at all," John said, "We can stay a little longer. Go have fun."

Nellie smiled brightly at them, "I definitely will. But you should too! You look like an old married couple."

They chuckled, and Anna suggested they should sit down for a bit. He knew she was tired and that she probably wanted to go home soon, but he didn't mind waiting a little longer for Nellie. They sat down in a vacant table; most of the couples were already dancing and it wasn't difficult to find one. They saw Nellie dancing from where they were sitting, and she looked like she was having a good time.

"Your father asked me to not let her dance with anyone," John said to Anna as she looked around, "Should I go over there and interrupt?"

Anna let out a laugh, "She's just having fun. I wouldn't worry about it. And I won't tell if you don't."

He crossed his arms in front of him, watching as people laughed and the music grew agitated. He remembered other times – he used to dance quite a lot, back when he was younger and his leg was fine. He remembered balls and good partners, and he wondered if Anna liked to dance. Of course she did. She was a young woman – which woman wouldn't like to dance? But of course he couldn't dance – not properly, not anymore. He wished he could ask her to – but he didn't have the heart, or the courage.

He looked around – the dance was now almost like a galloping, and Nellie could be seen laughing along with her partner. He chanced a look at Anna – she looked quite content, sitting there. He didn't miss her sigh, though. If he looked around the place he was sure he would find men interested on dancing with Anna. Perhaps Anna wanted to dance, after all.

"Some lads here would jump at the chance to dance with you," he said to Anna, but the music was loud and he had to come closer to her, "Don't you want to dance?"

She turned her face to look at him then, her nose almost touching his. She presented him a shy smile and he watched as her eyes seemed to glimmer as she spoke.

"I'm Mrs. Bates to these people, John," she told him, "and Mrs. Bates only dances with her husband. If you don't wish to dance, I won't. Besides, I'm quite happy to be sitting here."

He smiled over at her, a bit relieved to hear such a thing. He wouldn't mind if she danced with someone else – it was alright, and he had so right whatsoever over her – but it didn't mean he didn't care. Thankfully, they only stayed a little over half an hour; Anna said she was feeling tired and it was late already, and soon Nellie joined them on their way home.

"Was that Jimmy Cooper whom I saw dancing the last one with you, Nellie?" Anna asked her sister as they left the village.

"It was! I didn't think you'd remember him," Nellie said, walking a bit ahead of them. As a habit, John and Anna walked together, her hand holding his arm.

Anna looked up at John with a playful smile, "Nellie had a terrible crush on Jimmy when we were children."

"Did she, now?" John asked, looking at Nellie.

The younger woman rolled her eyes at them, "Stop it, you two. Jimmy is just a friend," she said, "At least I danced! You didn't and you're supposed to be married."

She spoke it in a low voice, but out of habit John stopped for moment and looked around. It was getting darker by the minute, but it seemed like everything was quiet.

"We didn't dance because we didn't want to," Anna told her sister sternly.

"I did tell Anna to dance. She had plenty of suitors around there," John teased, and Anna rolled her eyes, "but my leg isn't the same it used to be. I'm afraid I'm not much of a dance partner nowadays."

"Oh, right. I keep forgetting about your leg. I'm sorry," Nellie said quietly, "Still, Anna, you should have danced. You used to love dancing."

"I wasn't in the mood for dancing tonight. It's fine," Anna added, "But surely your leg can't make it impossible for you to dance, John. I think you're just saying this so we won't insist anymore."

"I can dance, if that's what you're asking. Or at least I used to dance, very well, might I add," John said.

He watched as Anna and Nellie shared a look; Anna, then, looked at him with her eyebrows arched.

"Really, John? Who would have guessed?" she asked him as Nellie stared at them with an amused expression on her face.

Seeing as they were obviously teasing him, John shook his head slightly; there wasn't much he could do with his leg without hurting, but perhaps he could prove it to them in some other way. Stopping abruptly and earning a small shriek from Anna, he took her hand and spun her around a bit awkwardly; she returned to his arms with a bright smile, only stopping when bumping into him. Nellie was staring at them amusedly and walked back to pick up Anna's hat, that had fallen from her head during the process of the awkward dance move. Anna was laughing hard against him, and he couldn't help but smile too. Nellie shook her head at them.

"That hardly proves anything, you know," Nellie told him, handing him Anna's hat.

"I think it proves enough," Anna said as she looked up at him, standing in front of him. He put her hat back on her and she let out another laugh, "That was quite surprising."

"That was the idea," he said, winking at her.

"Now you're flirting. We'll never arrive home this way, y'know," Nellie complained; John smiled as Anna blushed ever so slightly and returned to his side, but not after sharing a smile with him.

In a few days he'd go, and he already knew how difficult that would be.

Staying was getting easier by the day.

* * *

**A/N: **I seem to have a thing for Anna/Bates dancing scenes. I'll try to not have such ideas on my next story, but I couldn't resist this one. Sorry! :) Hope you've enjoyed the chapter. Thanks for reading!


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

Sunday morning found them walking to church; with Anna safely by his side, John even felt slightly comfortable with it. Never having been a man of much faith, especially in recent years, he never felt particularly comfortable in church. He knew she hadn't been feeling very well today again, and he kept a close eye on her during the ceremony. As they walked back home, however, she seemed a bit better – at least she didn't look very pale anymore.

She had told him her mother had suggested some things, but Anna was adamant to not tell them of the pregnancy just yet. He usually asked her how she was feeling in the mornings, and tried not to seem concerned with her, hoping Rose wouldn't notice anything different. As they left church, however, he was not able to walk with Anna. Her father started walking with him, wanting to talk, and Anna walked a bit far ahead with her mother and sister.

At first, Frank asked him of the fair in the previous evening. The women had already disappeared from their sight when Frank suddenly grew serious and, John supposed, started talking of the real matter.

"I have a proposition to make you, John," he started. John frowned. "Rose and I have been talking, and while we don't know your exact plans... well, we'd like you to stay with us. You and Anna."

John's step faltered ever so slightly, not expecting this at all. Frank continued talking.

"We didn't start off very well, but I've seen the way you treat my daughter. Anna's happy, and that's the only thing that matters. Still," Frank sighed, "I'm getting old. I'm not the same I used to be. You've been around with me. I can barely take a walk around the farm these days, and I need to know there'll be someone to take care of it before... before I'm gone."

Frank's tone seemed almost resigned. John noticed things – he noticed how Frank's coughing seemed to get worse over the course of the days he had been there. He noticed how tired Frank was in the evenings and how hoarse his voice was by the end of the day. He was ill, and they both knew it. And by the looks of things, Frank had realised the farm would vulnerable if something happened to him.

"I've been to the doctor," Frank said weakly, staring at the road ahead of them, "He said I should rest and enjoy the rest of my days. I can't rest, I haven't rested in my whole life."

John blinked at Anna's father's words. He trusted him enough to tell him these things. He trusted him enough to want him to take care of the farm, to take care of his family. And suddenly, not for the first time since arriving, John felt this was getting out of their control. He was starting to wonder if they ever had any control over anything.

"I'll have to talk to Anna about this," John managed to say, "It's not only my decision."

"Yes, of course," Frank agreed, nodding his head.

"Have you told any of this to Rose, Frank?" John asked him, a bit concerned.

"I've spoken to her about my decision to hand the farm over to you," he told him, "and she agrees. But I haven't told her I've been to the doctor, no. She suspects something, but I think it's best if she doesn't know."

John nodded absentmindedly, and chose not to comment on this. The fact that Frank Smith wasn't well or healthy only added to John's worries, and these were many. He worried about Anna, about her baby; he worried about Rose and Nellie. And now he worried about what would happen to them, if anything ever happened to Frank. How could they handle the farm? Sure, they had many workers and didn't need to work, but someone needed to watch, someone needed to make sure things were functioning. Someone needed to sell animals, buy animals, make sure everything was alright. How could he leave, knowing the things that might happen to them? To Anna and the baby?

He didn't want to leave. At least not without Anna. But he wasn't free – how could he suggest for her to come with him when he had nothing to offer her? Taking her with him would only make things worse. She'd be with him, a married man, with a baby on the way and unmarried, in a city like London? It wouldn't help her at all. Her plan would work, and for him it would only work perfectly if he didn't have to go.

He loved her – there was no point in denying it. But could his feelings be reciprocated? Perhaps. There was affection, he was sure of it. There was respect. He did believe these were important things in a relationship. But still, not being sure... Either way, he would never drag Anna along with him, not unless there was no other choice.

He had no control over anything anymore, and now he was sure of it.

* * *

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Anna's voice startled him, making him jump ever so slightly. He had been taking a walk around the farm, having stopped at the barn. The sun was setting in the distance, making her glow in an almost angelical way. There were a few strands of hair that had fallen from the normally tight bun in which she wrapped her hair in, and she was beautiful, like ever.

"Nothing to worry about," he told her as he watched her walking towards him.

She had a small smile on her face, and stopped beside him. They stood in silence for a moment, watching a calf with its mother.

He wanted to tell her everything. How this... job changed his life. How he came to love her and her family – because he did, and there was no point in denying it. He loved Anna in a way he never loved Vera. He loved her personality, he adored her smile and her laughter – he wanted her to be the happiest woman on Earth, and he was sure that by his side he could be the happiest man on Earth. But how could he? He was crippled man – with no job, no career. He wasn't even free to marry her, not while he wasn't legally divorced. He didn't want to lie to her family anymore – they didn't deserve that. He wasn't worthy of her father's trust, not after all the lying he had done.

Something had to be done, and soon.

"Your father asked me to stay," he told her quietly, "and take care of the farm. He wants us to live here."

"What?" Anna asked, a bit confused.

He couldn't lie to her.

"Your father wants to hand me the farm. This... this has gone too far, Anna," he managed to say, rubbing his eyes tiredly, "It's time. I need to leave before more harm is done."

"If... if you want to go, then..." she started to say, her voice weak.

"I don't want to go," he interrupted her, "Lord knows I don't want to go. But I must."

"Well, I... I don't want you to go either," she told him rather determinedly, "Perhaps... Perhaps this has gone too far, after all."

He watched as she tried to control herself. Her eyes were watery when she stole a glance at him, and he thought his might be like that as well. The thought of leaving her was almost unbearable, but he had nothing to offer her. The only thing he could do was to leave – and hope for the best.

"I wish there was something I could do," he said quietly, "but there isn't."

"I understand," she told him, impulsively embracing him very tightly, "I'll... I'll miss you. So much."

He slipped his arms around her instinctively, and marvelled at how good she felt in his arms, "I'll miss you too, Anna."

* * *

The thought of him leaving in the morning kept Anna from participating in the evening's conversations. As much as she didn't want to think about it, it kept coming back to her. He would leave, like they had planned initially. He would leave and she'd be alone with her honour intact. If only she could say the same about her heart.

She didn't anticipate this. If she thought about the plan, she would see that it had been poorly anticipated. Still, it seemed like it would work out. And as of now, it was going to work out. The problem was that, day by day, things got difficult. She tried to deny it – it wasn't possible for someone to fall in love in only a couple of days, was it? And how would she know, she, who knew nothing of love?

But she did know. She loved him. She definitely knew what love _wasn't _– and there was nothing of it in John Bates. He was lovely, and respectful, and he made her feel good and comfortable and happy only by smiling at her – she wished he smiled more. His smiles were rare but they lit up her world and they told her everything will be fine.

She wasn't sure of that anymore. He would be leaving, and none of the possibilities of a life without him seemed quite good to her.

This was for the best, she kept telling herself as she went to her bedroom and started to change. No harm done. He would leave, she'd pay him. She'd try and tell her parents of her pregnancy this week, if possible. And a few weeks later she'd tell them he'd not come back. She'd be fine – a poor woman abandoned by her husband with a baby on the way. Her honour would be saved – no one would know. Her baby would be fine, society wouldn't turn its back on them.

He opened the bedroom door just as she was doing her hair for the night. She watched from the mirror as he started gathering his items from around the room. He was leaving, just as promised. He would be leaving in the morning, only a few hours away.

She turned when he asked her to, just so that he could change into his sleeping clothes. Always so respectful. He could have taken advantage of her during these days, but he never did, not once. They never exchanged so much as little touches – one or two embraces and that was it. She recalled him kissing her hands one or two times too. It would all be gone – his smiles, his touches, his voice. It would all be gone in the morning.

She turned around out of impulse, and he was already dressed then. He didn't notice her movement, and was apparently arranging a book back to his suitcase.

She couldn't hold it back. Not with the knowledge that she might never see him again.

"I love you."

Time seemed to freeze in that moment. The words were out of her mouth before she could do anything to stop them. He remained in the same position he had been in, and for a moment Anna thought he might not have heard her.

But there it was. The truth.

"I love you," she said again, and this time her voice her clearer, "I shouldn't tell you this, but I will never forgive myself if I don't. I... I love you. And I don't want you to go. I know this is part of the deal and that you would go eventually, but it doesn't make this any easier."

He turned to look at her, his expression hurt but she wasn't sorry. Perhaps he didn't love her back – it didn't matter. It wouldn't solve anything. But she couldn't keep this to herself.

"Anna, I... you're not making this any easier," he told her with a sad smile, "I... I wish there was something I could do, but there isn't. This is... This is the most difficult decision in my life. But I have no other option."

She nodded, her eyes now full of tears. She blinked once, twice, and the tears fell from her eyes. She understood. Of course she did. She understood why he needed to leave, and she wished, not for the first time, that they had met earlier – without this mess that her life was. She would never suggest him to marry her – someone like him didn't deserve someone broken like her. She would never tell him to stay with her either – he needed to get on with his life.

But it didn't make anything easier.

"Oh, Anna," she heard him saying and soon she was swept into his comforting arms. She cried harder, and she felt so stupid for being so vulnerable, but she couldn't stop her tears. "I... I love you too, but I... I can't do anything to help you anymore. I can't marry you, I can't stay..."

He kept talking, but her sobs were becoming louder by the minute – she hoped no one would listen. He couldn't do anything. Of course. He was still married – he had told her he had been married. And here she was, loving a man who couldn't be with her, who was too honourable to be with her.

And she couldn't blame him. She would never blame him. She would let him go, because she loved him. His soothing hands on her back calmed her nerves and soon the tears were stopping. She embraced him tightly, never wanting to let him go, but knowing that eventually she would have to.

She pulled away only enough to look at him; his eyes were watery as well and she finally understood about the control he always talked about. Their situation had never been in their control. They never could have done anything about it.

He looked at her too, their gaze never leaving each other's. Their breaths mingled and he was so close to her, but she saw the shadow in his eyes. It wouldn't be right. She rested her head against his chest, clinging onto him, taking a deep breath and inhaling his scent. He would be gone in a few hours and she wanted to memorise everything – she wanted to never forget.

They didn't speak anymore; he led her to the bed and kissed her cheek lovingly as he embraced her. She fell into his arms willingly, never wanting to let him go. He whispered that he loved her once more as she rested her head on his chest, his arms around her waist and she leaned into his warmth. They didn't do anything else, but it was somewhat comforting to hear his breathing beside her, to feel his heart beating and to intertwine her fingers with his.

Because it would all be gone in the morning.

* * *

**A/N: **So... will John really leave? The end is slowly approaching and things are getting more serious with time. Really, really hope you've enjoyed the chapter. Thanks so much for reading - a review would also make me very, very happy (hint, hint). ;) Only a few chapters left, so please bear with me! :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

Anna stirred ever so slightly in her sleep, regaining her senses slowly. She felt so cosy and comfortable – she was sure she could stay in bed the whole day this way. She stirred once more, and now she felt a soft squeeze around her waist and opened her eyes as she remembered the previous night. She didn't recall falling asleep, but she remembered John's arms around her. She made to turn her head, but he was very close to her – she could feel his slow breaths on her neck and the warmth of his body on her back; she leaned into him, the prospect of him leaving still in her mind, but she didn't cry; there would be no point in crying at all.

Instead, she rested her hand on top of his and breathed in deeply; the days had passed far too fast and now their time had come.

He woke up a few minutes later; they didn't have much time. His smile was sad when he looked at her, and the air seemed almost suffocating to Anna. Soon they were out of the bedroom, preparing to have breakfast, and then he'd be gone.

He had told her parents the night before that he'd be going to London in the morning, and everyone was acting naturally. For the first time, they ate breakfast with everyone around them, but Anna couldn't seem to eat anything. The smell of food was almost too much for her to bear, and she knew it wouldn't need much to have her crying in the middle of the meal. So, she chose to focus on her own food, even though she was having some difficulty doing so.

"Ah, there's a telegram for you, John," she heard her mother saying, handing a note to John.

He thanked her, his voice soft and serious. The smile on his face didn't quite reach his eyes. She watched as he opened the note, feeling rather suffocated. There must be a way. Surely no one would find out if he remained there, as her husband? No, she knew enough of him to know that he would never do such a thing. She breathed in deeply. She couldn't lose control, not now. She couldn't ask him to stay. She'd never ask him to stay. She had nothing to offer him – she was a fallen woman and no man would want anything to do with her. She wanted to cry. She wanted to scream. That was it. He'd be gone in less than an hour.

She couldn't take the atmosphere anymore, so she ran towards the backdoor without warning; she heard a gasp or two of surprise, but she was outside the door in the blink of an eye; how she hated this situation, how she hated where life led her to; tears fell from her eyes as she tried to recover. She'd be alone.

As if to momentarily contradict her, she felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to see John's face looking worriedly at her. She tried to smile, feeling a little better – physically rather than emotionally – for the moment, but found that she could not hold her smile.

"Are you alright?"

His question was low, almost a whisper, and she knew he was wondering if she'd be alright – not for the moment, but for the rest of days.

She'd be alright. She had to be.

"I will be," she managed to say, her voice a little hoarse; "I'll be fine. I just... just needed some air."

He nodded, and they stayed for a few seconds alone outside. They couldn't postpone this and she knew it. He kept his arm over her shoulders as they walked back to the house. She leaned into him, marvelled in the feeling of him so close to her, perhaps for the last time ever. She'd miss him so much.

She looked up at John when she felt him stopping suddenly. Thinking it was rather odd, she looked up front, and found her father staring at them with a fierce look, his hand clutching the telegram John had just received. Anna frowned in confusion, looking at her mother and Nellie, but they seemed as confused as she was.

"Would you care to tell me what this is?" her father asked John, taking two steps ahead, "Because I'm a little confused right now."

Anna searched in John's features for any kind of information, but she found none. He seemed nervous and remained silent, and Anna got nervous as well. Her mother and Nellie were eyeing them with curiosity, and her father seemed to be expecting an answer, and soon.

"Dad, that telegram is for John, you had no right to..." Anna started, but her father briskly interrupted her.

"I didn't read it on purpose, it had fallen on the floor and I picked it up!" he said, staring back at John, "I'm merely asking what this divorce thing is about! You and someone named Vera?"

Anna froze in her spot. How come her father had got hold of the telegram? And a revealing one at that – what would they do? A million things passed through her mind, but Anna had no idea what to make of the situation. She gaped at her father, in shock, and fearing that everything would be ruined at any moment now.

"Well, surely there's some kind of mistake around this..." her mother started in a quiet voice.

"There's no mistake about this, Rose!" her father said, handing his wife the telegram, "Read it for yourself, then, if you don't believe me. I'm expecting an answer, John."

John searched her eyes, apparently waiting for some kind of sign, but Anna gave him none; she was at a loss. And yet, she knew she needed to do something.

"You don't deny this to be true?" her father asked John.

"I don't."

"So you've tricked my daughter into marrying you," Frank started, angriness in his eyes, "when you were already married? You've taken away my daughter's virtue and reputation without marrying her? This is absurd. I want you out of this house immediately. Anna did not deserve..."

He kept talking and John kept listening, but Anna stood in the middle of it, unsure of what her actions would be. John was already going away – this wouldn't change anything, would it? Everything would be fine for her, anyway – she just needed to let it all go away.

But she couldn't stand there and hear her father saying rubbish things of John – he didn't deserve that. He was much more honourable than she was – much more respectful and worthy of attention. He never lied to her, not once. He deserved more than leaving the house and listening to such absurds. Anna looked at them, both men arguing, and looked at her mother, who was staring at the scene horrified. Nellie seemed anxious and worried. This was exactly what Anna had feared from the beginning.

"John was never my husband," Anna started, her voice strong and clear. Her father had stopped talking and was staring at her, as if not really understanding what she was saying. She continued talking, "He was never my husband."

"Anna..." John called her, but she refused to look at him.

"I know what I'm doing, John," she said harshly, turning back to face her father, "He was never my husband, and I knew that. I... I knew of his wife and all about it. He's done nothing to disrespect me, in any way."

Her mother gasped and Anna watched as Nellie shook her head at her, pleading her to stop talking. John's hand was on her shoulder, but Anna shook it off. She needed to do this. She couldn't lie anymore, and she needed to do this alone. Her father's expression was confused.

"I met him on train on my way to York before I came here, and he agreed to pretend to be my husband in front of you," Anna continued, "This is not his fault nor his idea."

Her mother frowned, "But why would you do such a thing, Anna?"

Anna looked at her mother, already knowing this would break her heart. She deliberately avoided her father's gaze, and she exchanged a look with John. He was serious and silent, his presence a little comforting, if anything.

"Because I'm pregnant," Anna mumbled, her voice now weak and quiet.

Her mother let out another gasp and sat back down on her chair, shocked. Seeing the disappointment all over her face, Anna chose to look at the floor instead of seeing everyone's reaction. She couldn't face them; she was completely ashamed.

"You're _what_?" her father's voice was harsh and strong against her ears, and Anna looked at him.

She wouldn't back down, not now. All too aware of the tears threatening to fall, she stared at her father.

"I'm pregnant," she repeated, "I didn't want to disappoint you and ruin Nellie's life, so I asked John to..."

"A bit too late for that now!" her father blurted out, "How could you do this, Anna? We trusted you, and this is what you bring home to us! What were you going to do about this? Just... think we'd never find out? Do you think we're so stupid that we'd never find out?"

"I had to try something!" Anna said, blinking heavily and causing the tears to fall, "I couldn't let myself be ruined and ruin the family without doing anything! I never meant to disappoint you, or to ruin the family's reputation..."

"You might not have meant it, but you ruined us, Anna," her father's voice was low, but filled with emotions; his eyes were, too, watery, and he seemed to be trying to get a hold on himself. The image broke her heart; she had never seen her father so vulnerable, "and you've ruined yourself and this child along. I can't believe this! I can't... You weren't raised to be like this. You're no more than a fallen woman, a... slut. You're not my daughter."

* * *

Anna ran past him, and he couldn't help but feel hurt at her father's words as well. If only he knew...

Anna should have let them reach their own conclusions – he'd be gone and everyone would know how she had been tricked into an illegal marriage. She wouldn't be ruined. Telling the truth, however, brought up the consequences she had been initially worried about. What could they do now? He couldn't marry her, as much as he wanted to. He supposed he could take her with him to London. He was sure his mother wouldn't mind; in fact, she'd probably be happy with the company. But it wasn't the ideal thing to do, not to Anna. She'd still be ruined and, worse, with no family. He needed to do something.

"She isn't any of that," he found himself saying, among Rose's sobs and Nellie's shocked expression, "She isn't a slut. She's the finer woman I've ever met. You should be proud of her. You've raised an admirable, strong woman."

"That will have a child out of wedlock," her father told him briskly, "Yes, we should be very proud of her."

"She was _forced_," John said quietly but loud enough for everyone to hear, "She was forced to do something cruel she didn't want to do, and she suffered things no one should ever suffer, and you call her a slut? You know Anna. How could you think she'd have done such a thing on purpose? Have some faith in your own daughter."

Rose's sobs grew louder, and Nellie was staring at him with her eyes wide. Frank took a step back, shocked at his words.

"I'd take her with me if I thought that would help her, but I have nothing to offer her," John continued on, "I'd marry her in the blink of an eye if I could, but I can't. This doesn't have to ruin you. You could still tell people I abandoned her. Nobody would know. She needs you. She needs your love and your support, and if you can't give it to her then I'll take her with me, even though it wouldn't be the best for her reputation, especially in a city like London."

Rose shook her head violently, "She'll stay. We can... We can work things out, I won't have my child ruined and with no prospects. She will stay."

John nodded at her, but his eyes were focused on Frank, who seemed confused and troubled, but he nodded weakly at John's stare. Without saying anything else, John made his way toward the hall and stopped in the doorway of the bedroom he had shared with Anna for the past days. She was packing her suitcase as well, throwing things into it awkwardly, and her sobs were the most heartbreaking sound he had ever heard. She didn't see him, so he called her name. She stopped and looked up at him, her sobs stopping momentarily.

"I'm going with you," she told him between tears.

"You'll stay," he told her quietly, "Your parents will support you. I told him about... I'm sorry. I wish you could come, but you know it wouldn't be the best."

He watched as a few tears had fallen from her eyes, and she walked into his arms, embracing him tightly, clinging onto him.

"What will I do without you?"

He gulped silently.

"I... I wish I could stay," he said, surprised to find his eyes watery with tears as well. He pulled away to look at her, his hand caressing her cheek as he spoke, "I'm sorry it didn't work out."

She shook her head, "You were perfect. I just couldn't continue with this anymore."

"If... If anything happens, come to London. Come find me," he pleaded, and she nodded, closing her eyes with emotion, "I've written you my address already. Don't hesitate on coming to me, alright?"

She nodded weakly, "Alright."

"I'll miss you," he said, his hands coming to caress her tear-strained cheeks.

She blinked twice, obviously trying not cry anymore. He smiled weakly at her and he felt her hand stroking the side of his cheek as well. He felt her lips on his before he could react; her lips were soft and moist from her tears, and he felt her strength in them; oh, how he wanted to stay. The kiss ended far too soon, and she sniffed loudly when they parted. He kissed the top of her head before pulling away; his train would be arriving soon, and he felt that if he didn't go now he never would.

"Goodbye, Anna," he said as he picked up his suitcase and went for the door.

His only responses were her sobs as she dejectedly sat on the bed. He couldn't look back now.

As he was almost at the end of the hall he almost walked into Frank, who barely looked at him; in the brief moment of seeing him, John noticed tears, and the next thing he heard were the soothing whispers of a worried father. Rose also walked past him; she smiled sadly at him before making her way towards Anna's bedroom. He did manage to say goodbye to Nellie, who looked like she didn't know what to do and how to act. She seemed to be in shock, but she wished him luck as he left.

Anna would be alright.

He wasn't sure if he would, though.

* * *

**A/N:** So now Anna's secret is out and John left the farm. Only one more chapter to go - I really hope you enjoyed this one. Thoughts? :) Thanks for reading and reviewing!


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: **This is almost the end of the road, people - I do hope you won't feel disappointed. I struggled a bit with the ending, and I really hope you'll like it. I'm working on an epilogue, and I hope to have it ready by the end of the week. Thank you so much for everyone who has read and reviewed so far - this has been a very rewarding experience. :)

* * *

**Chapter Twelve**

John breathed in deeply as he entered the pub. He hadn't had a drink in many, many years, and even though the situation seemed favourable for a drink he settled on water. He didn't quite trust himself enough to drink alcohol. Not now, anyway. And he didn't really feel like drinking. His solicitor, on the other hand, seemed quite satisfied and asked for a scotch. The temptation was great, but John held himself.

It had been only three weeks since he left Langton, but it seemed like an eternity. The telegram that had revealed so many secrets didn't say much at the time; his solicitor needed his presence during a hearing with a judge, regarding his current divorce process with Vera. He had been expecting it, though not quite so soon. Either way, he had to leave and he could only hope everything would be alright, for both him and Anna.

As he returned to London, his solicitor seemed a bit worried about the divorce. It could be arranged easily now, but only with money, money that John didn't have. He wanted to be divorced more than anything now; a divorce would mean freedom, but without money the process would be archived and it would take much longer. A divorce would mean possibilities of a better future. Could he dare to think of a future with Anna?

But he didn't have enough money and the process would go on for a few more months without it.

He doubted he would ever forget her. He even tried to, at first, but it was impossible to do so. Even his mother suspected something had happened, but he never said a thing. He couldn't dare to hope, even if his mind constantly thought of her, of the moments they spent together.

He dreamt of her too; he dreamt of her kisses, even if they had only shared a single one. He dreamt of her voice, of her hands, of her laughter. All too often he wondered about what she'd be doing at that moment; all too often he caught himself worrying if she was alright. He didn't have enough courage to send her a letter when he arrived, no matter how much he worried. A letter would give her hope, perhaps; a letter would give them both hope.

Instead, two days after he arrived in London, he received a letter. His mother had been outwardly confused by it – who did he know from such a village and what could they possibly want with him? He too was confused by it. The letter wasn't from Anna. It was from Frank.

His words were simple and appreciative, and he seemed truly grateful. He mentioned Anna and that she was doing well; a bit emotional still, but well. He mentioned that they decided to keep things quiet for now, and that they intended to follow Anna's initial plan. He mentioned that she couldn't bring herself to write to him and that she apologised. John smiled sadly; he understood.

Attached to the letter, there were two small packages. He opened the smaller one first, and it revealed his grandmother's Claddagh ring and a simple note in what he knew was Anna's neat handwriting.

_Thank you._

He'd give that some further thought later on; ignoring his mother's curious looks, he put the ring back in the packages and opened the second one, much lighter than the first. Carefully, he took a note out of it, now in Frank's handwriting.

_Anna tells me you had yet to settle on a value, but I don't think there'll ever be enough money to pay what you deserve. Don't try to give it back. I'm a very stubborn man._

He took a look at the package once again. There was money, much more than he thought and, he suspected, much more than he needed. His initial thought was to return it to Frank; he too could be a very stubborn man. But the money could be the solution to his problems – the gate to a better future. He could use it for the divorce process – it certainly seemed like there was more than enough money for that – and, for the first time, John let himself hope. Hope to see Anna again. Hope to see her child grow up. Hope to be with her again.

He could make this work. He had the chance to make it work and he wasn't planning on ruining it.

He didn't send the money back, but he did return the ring.

It was, indeed, incredible how money rushed things. Soon the hearing had been scheduled, and now here he was – a divorced man, a free man. Vera wasn't holding him back now; there was nothing to be done. The evidence he had against her had been more than the necessary for a divorce; as unhappy as Vera was, and as sad as he might be for once again ruining her life, in a way, they both knew it wouldn't affect her too much. Not everyone would know and, knowing Vera, everyone already talked of her inconvenient way of life.

His solicitor, Mark Brooks, was a young chap, eager to do his job correctly, and he seemed very happy about it all. Seeing that it was a bit late already, John thought it wouldn't hurt to go out. He had a lot to plan for – finally write to Anna, finally telling the truth to his mother, perhaps going to Langton until the end of the week?

He felt content, relaxed, happy, even. Things seemed to be finally working out for him. There were moments of doubt, of course – would Anna want to marry him? Would she accept him for love or for necessity? – but every time he thought of this, he heard her voice, and he knew – he knew that they could be happy. He knew they would be together for the right reasons.

"So what are your plans now?" Mark had asked him, "Marry again?"

John nodded thoughtfully, "Perhaps. If she'll have me."

His solicitor let out a chuckle, patting his shoulder lightly.

How odd it was for him, to think so optimistically of things! But the feeling was good, too good actually, and it was odd to think this way; how good it was to see the pieces finally fitting! They'd be alright. Anna wouldn't be ruined. Things would work out perfectly.

He was just starting to think it was time to leave when he heard voices behind him, at a nearby table. He didn't mean to hear, and he wasn't paying much attention to them, but he stopped when he heard a name.

"Edmund Lloyd! Or should I say Sir Edmund Lloyd now?"

* * *

"Anna?"

Her father's voice broke her out of her reverie, and she looked up and smile; she had taken to knitting in her free time, which was now very common. She rarely had much to do – she helped her mother with the house and luncheon, but Nellie helped as well and Anna's afternoons were often free – too free, in her opinion. Anna liked to keep busy; being busy kept her mind from wondering into paths she'd rather not think about, and that helped her. Normally she had her mother's company and they engaged in conversation while knitting.

This afternoon, however, found her alone in the back porch. Her mother had gone to have tea with a friend in the village and Nellie had opted to stay at the parlour, reading – she said she couldn't focus while having people working around the farm. Anna found it relaxing, though; she liked to stop and watch sometimes, and it was a beautiful day. It would be a shame to waste it staying inside.

Perhaps that had come from all the years in service; all the days of seeing the bright blue sky outside but not being able to get out because of work.

She enjoyed solitude too, sometimes, occasionally, when she was in a good mood. Today was one of these days.

"Do you mind some company?" her father asked her, motioning to sit at the other end of the bench.

"I'd love some company," she told him quietly and watched as he sat down, his breathing a bit heavy.

Perhaps it wouldn't do her well to wonder about life. In truth, she didn't have much to wonder about. She was glad her parents let her stay, she was glad they had been understanding; she had a home, after all, and so did her baby. The nausea had stopped now, more than a month after she found out about being pregnant; she didn't feel much tired now. In fact, some days she would wake up feeling very energetic. She could feel her body changing, slowly, day by day. With her clothes on, no one could tell she was expecting, but she felt the changes and she welcomed them – there wasn't much to be done now.

With the secret of her pregnancy out, talks and questions of the baby became rather frequent in the house. Her mother gave her tips to help her sickness and tiredness, and Nellie all too often questioned her about names. Anna didn't think much of it, not yet anyway. Even her father often asked her how she was feeling.

They took her with compassion the day John left; they talked and apologies were made and tears had fallen. They had agreed to keep things quiet for the moment – a month later, people knew of Anna's pregnancy, but they did not knew of her "husband". When asked, they told them John had business in London and would return soon.

Anna had felt particularly down, knowing that John wouldn't come back. Not a day passed by in which she didn't think of him. It was impossible not to. How ironic it was, for her, to have her life so altered by someone in passing, who spent only a week with her? John Bates showed up to save her life when she was sure she couldn't be saved. He showed her love when she thought she'd never know it. And it all happened within a week.

She chose not to write him. Nellie had suggested it, the evening after he left. Anna simply couldn't – he was married, and writing him wouldn't do any good to anyone. She had spoken to her father about her deal with John, and how she hadn't even managed to settle the amount of money he'd be receiving. Her father told her he'd take care of it. The only thing she wrote John was a small note thanking him – and she sent him his grandmother's ring, which had stayed with her.

He returned the ring, and she now wore it on her ring finger, like she used to. She felt good wearing it; it reminded her of him.

"How are you feeling today?" Anna asked her father, as she went back to her knitting. She was working on a pair of baby boots now; her mother told her it was never too early to start. These ones were a shade of pale yellow that Anna enjoyed very much; she was pleased with her work until now.

"I'm the one who's supposed to ask you that question," her father mumbled.

Anna shook her head slightly, "Are you?"

Her voice was soft and her father kept silent; a lung infection had caused him to stay in bed for the last days, and the doctor's visits were getting more and more frequent. He woke up feeling better yesterday, or so he said, but Anna knew he wasn't well. With a sad smile on her face, she decided not to push him.

"I'm fine. Don't worry about it," she heard her father say, "Your mum is not back yet?"

Anna gave him a pointed look, "This past week has been a challenge to her. She needs some time away."

"You talk as if I'm a bad patient."

Anna gave him yet another pointed look, and she grinned. He rolled his eyes.

"She'll be back any minute now," Anna told him, and at that precise moment they heard knocks on the door, "There she is. I don't remember leaving the door locked, though."

"Nellie might have locked it earlier," her father said with a sigh. "I need to take a walk around the farm. I needed to talk to Ted about..."

"I've already done that this morning," Anna interrupted him, "We can't have you running around like mad in your condition. I've been doing the rounds with Mum, and it's been fine. Don't worry about it."

Her father grunted at her words, but he seemed to settle back on his seat; perhaps she had managed to surprise him, after all. Anna smiled inwardly, only to frown upon hearing more knocking on the front door.

"Why can't Nellie answer the door?" she asked, impatiently putting her knitting aside and standing up, "I'll be right back."

As soon as she got into the kitchen, however, Anna heard voices from the parlour; one of them was Nellie's. And the other one...

No. It couldn't be.

With hurried steps she marched around the house, her heart thumping loudly against her chest. It couldn't be. Could she dare to hope? She could hear his voice. Unless she was now starting to hear things that weren't there.

The door to the parlour was open and she burst in, stopping abruptly when she saw what was going on. Nellie had a bright smile on her face. The front door was open. And then there was John.

She stopped breathing for a moment. He was here.

He was _here_.

His eyes were shy when they met her gaze, and Anna smiled in disbelief. His suitcase was on the floor, and he was taking off his hat. Nellie excused herself, leaving the room with a smile, and would obviously run off to tell her father about John's return.

"John," she told him, still not leaving her spot in front of the door, "you're... you're here."

"Hello," he said with a smile.

"Well, then... Welcome back!" Anna said nervously, "I didn't expect to see you again. So soon, that is."

"I hope I haven't disappointed you."

She tentatively took two steps ahead.

"No, not at all," she hurried to say, "This is a great surprise. The best, actually."

He walked over to where she was standing, her heartbeat even louder than before; Anna wondered if he could hear it. The soft noise of his cane on the floor gave her a warm feeling of happiness – he was here, in front of her. As he stopped in front of her, she inspected him closer. She noticed his right hand was bandaged and frowned.

"What happened to your hand?" she asked concernedly.

"Oh. I got into a bit of an arguing back in London. Don't worry about it," he said dismissively, his smile growing anxious, "Anna, I came here because I have news. There's no point on making a fuss out of it. I am divorced."

Anna gasped in surprise; a new smile started to play in her features, but she couldn't get her hopes up.

"I'm free," he said quietly, balancing his cane on his forearm and taking both of her hands on his, "I'm free and I need my grandmother's ring back."

Anna blinked, "What?"

"If you're to be an engaged lady, Anna, I should probably take the wedding ring you're wearing and save it for the wedding," his tone was amused and his smile was bright as he spoke, "But you need to keep wearing it," he shrugged, "Oh, well, we can just take it before the wedding, I suppose."

Anna let out a laugh, and shook her head at him, "Are you... Is this a proposal?"

"Yes," he said with no doubt, "it is. You'd make me the happiest man in the world if you married me."

A silly, small giggle escaped her lips and she felt a tear sliding down her cheek, but John was quick enough to catch it.

"You do realise what you're asking, don't you?" she asked him nervously, her free hand reaching his cheek and stroking it, "You know what you're doing, don't you?"

"I do," John said, "I want to be your husband, Anna. I want to be the father of your children."

There was no doubt in his voice; he was sure.

He smiled. She smiled.

"Yes," she said breathlessly, "I'll marry you."

They laughed simultaneously and their lips met in the middle; they were still smiling as they kissed, and Anna felt nothing could stop them now.

For the first time in months, Anna felt truly happy.


	13. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

The day was bright in the sky, and he listened to the rhythmic sound of the wind, a sound that calmed him to no end. If he thought about it, in fact, the day was very similar to that beautiful day, quite some time ago. He remembered how nice the breeze was then, how it managed to calm his nerves. He remembered her too, the way her eyes sparkled when he stared at her, and he smiled at the memory of her smile. So much had changed since then.

John married Anna, obviously, only a few weeks after proposing; they chose to marry in London, away from Langdon and near John's mother. Margaret Bates was sceptical when her son told her the news – she knew their whole story, there was no point in lying to her – but she warmed up to Anna almost immediately. Their wedding might have been simple, but it meant the world for them – it meant a new start.

Anna got better too – as the pregnancy progressed and they adjusted fairly quickly to married life, her smiles grew even more constant and brighter. Even in worry for her father's health, many happy moments were shared. Occasionally, of course, Anna gave birth to a healthy baby girl, who they named Julia. The day Julia was born would be forever considered by John the most stressful and happiest day of his life. Rose simply forbid him into coming anywhere near the room Anna had been, and he spent hours sitting, waiting in the parlour with an anxious Frank, which did nothing to help his nerves. He remembered how he breathed in relief after finally hearing the baby crying, how Nellie came and told him everything went well and he'd be able to see them soon.

The moment he saw Anna holding her, however, stole his breath away.

The baby was the spitting image of her mother – Rose had even said she looked just like Anna did as a baby – born with little hair, and the same bright, kind, mysterious eyes of her mother; she was perfect in every sense of the word, and he knew he'd never forget what he felt when he held her for the first time.

Walking slowly through the now familiar path, he admired the fields and the land – something that somehow became his responsibility, with Frank Smith's passing a few months ago, only a few weeks after Anna gave birth to Julia. His death was still a bit raw for John; despite their somewhat difficult start, he had become very close to his father-in-law, even if everyone knew his illness had been progressing quickly. Frank's death had, unfortunately, been expected, but it had been comfort, for everyone, that he lived enough to meet his first granddaughter.

Julia was, with no doubt, the main source of joy in the house, even if now, at nearly ten months old, the only thing she did was smile and giggle and mutter incoherent words. She was starting to walk too – which was now proving to be an exciting challenge for Anna and John as well, having to keep an eye on her every time she decided to stand up.

Much had changed around them in the last months; the farm was going very well, and John was confident they could make it work even better and faster than before. Nellie left the farm, only a few weeks before Julia was born, surprising everyone when she and none other than Jimmy Cooper announced they were to be married.

He waved at a few workers on the field, and finally climbed the steps that led to the back porch of the house; he was now used to doing rounds around the farm in the early mornings, sometimes even before Rose was up. He generally let Anna sleep a little longer, and would check on Julia before going out.

Rose was by now working around the kitchen, offering John a nice smile and already listing what he could have for breakfast; Frank's death, expected as it was, still left an empty sensation around the house sometimes, and it was clear that, even if Rose was slowly getting by, she missed him enormously. John smiled back, but excused himself for a moment – he needed to check on his girls.

He peered into the bedroom he shared with Anna from the start, wondering if she was still asleep. He knew she had had an uneasy night, as she went to bed feeling rather queasy, and Julia had been a little cranky too, probably from the appearance of a new tooth . He managed to get Julia to sleep after a while, but he knew Anna worried about her fever – even if it was completely common – and that she got up from bed repeatedly to check on the baby.

He grinned as he took in the sight of his wife; Anna was, undoubtedly, asleep, and he could barely see her face beyond the covers of the bed. He shook his head, deciding to let her sleep a little more, and marched through the corridor, stopping at another bedroom – Julia's nursery.

He found Julia, unlike her mother, very much awake; she was sitting on her crib, her little chubby hands gripping her feet. Her short blonde hair, curling ever so slightly, bounced as she moved around. She let out a little shriek of excitement when she saw him, and he laughed in return.

"I see we're in a good mood this morning," he told her playfully as he walked towards the crib. As if on cue, Julia giggled happily, showing off her front teeth – she only had four of them – and making him smile. "Mama will be pleased."

He bent down to get her as she already reached for him from the crib. Adjusting her against his side, holding her with his left arm, he walked around the house until he reached the kitchen once more, earning an even brighter smile from Rose when she saw her granddaughter.

"Look who is here!" Rose said excitedly, and Julia threw her head against John's shoulder, hiding her face and her smile, "I guess she's a little shy today."

"But feeling fine, apparently, and there's nothing better than that," John told her as he sat down.

"No fever, then?" John shook his head, and Rose approached them, "Let me feed her so you can have breakfast normally. Anna is still asleep?"

John nodded as he passed Julia, who was apparently over her initial shyness, to Rose, and then helped himself to a slice of bread. "Yes, she had a bit of a rough night."

"That's normal," Rose told him matter-of-factly, "Did you manage to get Julia to sleep after we gave up on trying?"

John smirked, "It took a little while, but eventually she slept."

Conversation ran smooth after that, mainly about Anna and Julia, who had apparently worked on an appetite during the night. John had finished rather quickly, and decided to make a breakfast tray for Anna, knowing it was time for her to wake and that she'd appreciate the gesture. Hopefully she'd be feeling better now.

Rose smiled as he watched him prepare the tray for her, and he left the kitchen a few minutes later, promising to come back soon and pick Julia so Rose could continue with her daily tasks.

Leaving the tray at the bottom of the bed, he returned for Julia, finding her already fed and extending her little arms at him, making her wish clear; he picked her up from Rose's arms, and she babbled incoherent sentences as he walked. She was still 'talking' when they reached the bedroom, and John opened the door carefully, but saw Anna stirring ever so slightly at the sound of Julia's voice. With a grin, John placed Julia at the middle of the bed, prompting her to instantly crawl towards Anna.

Julia was a gentle baby, besides everything; John picked the tray from the bed as he watched the baby carefully reaching for Anna's face, who almost immediately smiled.

"Anna?" John tentatively called, and Anna stirred once more, this time opening her eyes.

Julia let out a happy shriek, and Anna carefully sat upright on the bed, reaching for Julia instantly and kissing her daughter's forehead. She smoothed Julia's hair and looked appreciatively at her.

"Good morning, baby," she said, grinning, "It seems that you're past your crankiness now, aren't you?"

Julia started babbling again, and Anna looked up at him.

"Hello," he said his usual greeting, earning a smile from her as she spotted the tray he was holding.

"Oh, John," she said as he bent down to put the tray in front of her. He kissed her lips softly before moving to sit on the bed, between her and Julia. "You didn't need to go through all this trouble."

"It's no trouble," he told her, "Are you feeling better today?"

Anna nodded as she took a sip of milk, "Yes, much better. Has Julia eaten already?"

"Yes, just now," he said, gently stroking Julia's cheek as she rested her head against his leg, giggling.

Anna reached for her almost immediately, but John stopped her.

"It's fine."

"Your leg is probably hurting. I know you stayed up with her awake for some time last night," Anna stated softly, "Thank you for doing that. I know I wasn't much of a help last night."

He shook his head, "It's fine. I was just spending some quality time with my favourite girl," Anna looked pointedly at him, "Who just happened to be crying. Don't worry about it," he assured her. Julia was occupied now, apparently very interested on John's waistcoat's pocket. "Mother sent us a letter back."

This attracted Anna's attention back from her daughter; he waited for her to finish her bread and smiled at her curious eyes.

"What did she say?"

"She's thrilled. Already planning to visit us," he added, and Anna let out a small laugh, "She says we'll need to prepare ourselves to handle two babies."

Anna rolled her eyes good-naturedly, "We can do this. Julia will be older when this baby comes and I bet that she'll want to help as soon as she understands everything. Won't you, Julia?"

She tickled Julia's tummy softly, making the baby girl laugh loudly, and John couldn't help but laugh too, the feeling too contagious for him to care.

John spoke back at Julia as she babbled, hoping that soon she'd be muttering her first word. Anna watched them as she ate, obviously not feeling sick this morning.

"Oh, really? How interesting," John said as Julia talked incoherently, making Anna giggle at his words. "And what did you do about it, darling?"

Julia continued her babbling, oblivious to the amused looks on her parents' faces. Anna, now finished, put the tray on the floor and reached for Julia, who was now sitting on John's lap.

"Come here, darling," Anna called her, "Come here with Mama."

Julia crawled towards Anna, sitting rather abruptly in front of her, and Anna proceeded to take her on her arms and pepper her with kisses; Julia didn't seem bothered by it, and Anna was making the most of her good mood. Julia giggled as Anna touched noses with her, her little hands touching Anna's cheeks and John smiled at the picture they presented. He stood up, having a rather busy day ahead of him, and went to pick up the tray, despite Anna's protest that she'd take it to the kitchen later. He bent down to kiss her temple and just as he prepared to leave the room, Julia's loud voice, now very clear, reached his ears.

"Pa!" he saw the baby girl clapping her hands together and looking at him. She extended her arms, wanting him to pick her up, and uttered the word again, "Pa!"

Anna was looking from him to Julia, smiling amusedly. Julia, however, wasn't bothered, and insisted once more. "Pa!"

John put the tray back on the bottom of the bed, picking Julia up and, as usual, holding her with his left arm. He could hardly resist her when she wanted him to pick her up; Anna often said he shouldn't do all she wants, but whenever he saw her little face looking at him, he was done. He supposed Anna had a similar effect on him as well.

Julia put her arms around his neck, oblivious to her father's reaction upon hearing her words.

Anna let out a laugh, "I think she has just said her first real word."

John smiled a bit nervously, "I think she did."

They locked eyes for a moment, both knowing the meaning of what had just happened. They always knew it, of course – John had never really thought of Julia not being his. She was his daughter, and he doubted he could love someone as much as he loved her and Anna – and the new baby, already.

They always saw Julia as a blessing; it was her who, unintentionally, gave them the chance to meet and fall in love. Her conception hadn't been an act of love, but they always made sure she'd be born into a world full of it; he was proud of her, proud to be her father – because he was her father, no matter what. Still, to hear her saying this – to hear her call him her father, in her own way – and for it to be her first word made him feel, even more than before, that he made the best decision of his life to help Anna, that first day on the train station.

Anna smiled brightly at him, and moved to get up from bed.

"She said 'Pa'," John told her, knowing a goofy grin had formed on his lips.

"Now I'm never hearing the end of this," Anna said good-naturedly, walking towards him and Julia, "Julia, sweetheart, say 'Ma'. Listen to Mama. Ma-ma."

"Papapapapapa..."

"Don't worry, darling, your time will come," John teased her.

Anna sighed amusedly and shook her head at him, but she still smiled.

"Cheeky beggar," she said, standing on her tip-toes and he leaned down a bit to meet her lips. When they parted, he saw her eyes full of emotion, and felt even happier. "Thank you. For everything. I doubt I'll ever be able to express the gratitude and love I have for you."

He shook his head, "Don't you see, Anna? You express it every day," he kissed her temple; "I love you."

"I love you too," she told him, closing her eyes for a moment before offering him the brightest smile. Then, she made a face, "I think someone here needs a bath."

He chuckled, "Do you want me to do it? I can spare a few minutes."

"No, I'll do it. Come here with Mama," Anna said to Julia, only making her hide her face on the crook of John's neck. Anna smiled, "Oh, so you're all about Papa today. Julia, come here."

Julia went willingly with her after Anna pushed a little on the subject; Anna kissed him softly before walking out of the room with Julia; he shook his head when he heard her talking animatedly with their daughter, as he bent down to pick up the tray again.

"Julia, say Mama. Ma-ma."

"Papapapapapapapa..."

John chuckled. A bright day it was, indeed.

* * *

**A/N:** So this is the end! I'd like to thank everyone who has read and reviewed this story - it really means a lot. In case anyone is wondering, the title of the story came from the Beatles' song "Julia" - you can connect the dots now. :) This has been fun, I really hope you found the ending satisfatory. I'd love to know your final thoughts about this. :) Have a great Sunday!


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